Sometimes a nudge is all it takes...

After Black Friday, we vegged.  OK I did at least.  Sometime Friday afternoon or evening, DS 3 announced that his "luncheon date" had been moved on Saturday.  I am really bad at keeping up with everyone's comings and goings...so it took a minute, but I finally figured it out.  DS 3 was hoping to attend the NeedtoBreathe concert two hours from here with some friends on Saturday night.  Initially I was quite reluctant to let him do this.  I know he's a good driver, but it scares me when I know it's a major city and it would have been late (the concert started at 9:00pm).  

Not long after the initial request he told me he would not be able to go because he had to go to a friend's birthday dinner.  I have to admit, I was relieved.  Friday, that changed.  Suddenly, he realized that he could do BOTH!  I was tired when he asked.  I told him it bothered me.  He gave me all the "right promises".  Anyway, for whatever reason I gave in.  I was still quite unsettled about it, however.  DH bought the tickets for he and three friends to attend.  

In the meantime, the mother of one of his friends messaged me on Facebook and asked if I was letting him drive.  I felt a strange guilt come over me...told her I'd said "yes"... but I wasn't happy about it.  She basically said she wasn't going to let her son go unless there was an adult with them.  I told her I was happy to drive them up there...although they were resistant.  

Anyway, to make a long story, just a bit longer...we decided that we could go together...drive the kids and then let them have their time at the concert while we watched the concert together.  And, although the kids weren't thrilled with it, they complied and "allowed us" to come!  

I have to say I had a great time!  I haven't known this other Mom very well.  Their family has just started attending our church and our paths haven't crossed that much.  It was fun talking and getting to know her and a bit more about their family while sharing with her some of our story.  

I know DS 3 would have preferred to drive himself, but he was gracious and none of the kids seemed to mind too much.  The concert started at 9:00pm and was over by 11:30...then we drove the two hours back and I was in bed by 2:00am.  I've got to tell you, I am not as young as I used to be.  Who am I kidding?  I never COULD handle late nights!  So, today I'm tired.  But it was so worth it on many levels.  

Maybe someday when DS 3 is a parent, he'll understand. I was at peace knowing that DS 3 and his friends were safe and having a good time, rather than worrying every moment about what was going on with them..   Several times during the night I found myself thanking God not only for the opportunity to get to know someone else, but for the "mother" nudge to do what my gut told me to begin with!  And the music was just a great big added bonus for me!  

One of my favorite things this band does is the "acoustic set". I took video last night, but can't figure out how to upload it! In the meantime, here's a good one that I've heard them do acoustically before.

Some things I'm learning with the onset of "Pink"...

LG has been with us now for 9 months. Interesting that she's been here the same amount of time that it would have taken for us to actually HAVE a baby (not that I want to do that!). Much like the days when DH and I were preparing for our firstborn, we have learned. Some lessons have been "system based" as we deal with the child welfare system. Some lessons have been "upbringing based" as we have noted the differences between her family practices and ours. And other lessons have been "pink vs. blue" based as we've ventured into the world of little girls when we've previously raised four young men.

Here are some of the "pink lessons" I've learned over the past few months:

LG is more "hair focused" than the boys ever were. The boys "might" look at it one time before they are out the door. LG looks at it in the morning, styles it how she THINKS she wants to wear it. And it's highly likely that it'll take on one or more transformations before we're out the door! It's almost a sure thing that it will never look the same in the afternoon as it did when she first went outside in the morning.

Girls giggle. A lot. Boys laugh, they belch, and they make various other noises with their bodies. Girls are simply giggly. I love their sweet little giggles.

My boys tended to go from one activity to another in the blink of an eye. They could plow through "things to do" faster than racehorses. Girls linger. At least mine does.

Boys get "caught" acting out and pretending. When they do, they can often be found pulling their heads into their shell a la the tortoise. Girls perform. They love an audience and thrive on the applause and kudos that is sure to follow their dance, song, or play.

Girls play in their Mother's make-up and products. I remember the boys doing this once in a great while and we'd laugh hard. LG is in my stuff almost regularly. It's not uncommon for me to see evidence that she's been exploring again after she's been in the bathroom.

They are aware when their bodies make little changes. LG is not afraid to ask about them either. We've already had some talks with LG that we didn't have to have with the boys.

Little girls LOVE their Daddies! Yesterday I came home and found LG sleeping in DH's lap. She's no small little thing, but there she was curled up with him on the couch. In some ways it appears lumbering and over-sized for him. But in so many ways, it's a perfect fit!

Girls know how to saunter through a store. LG takes it all in and enjoys the moments wandering the aisles. The boys go with a goal in mind...get in/get what you need/get out.

I am well aware that girls don't always fit every stereotype and some may be different than my LG, but it's been fun to learn the "pink lessons". I'm sure it's only the tip of the iceberg for what's in store.

DH and I figured out that by the time she is ready to leave our nest, we will have been raising kids for 35 years! 35 years! I'm thankful for each and every season that this child-rearing journey has brought upon us. From blue to pink and everything in between--it's a joy to parent five terrific kids and to learn the lessons they teach us every day!

There's Often No Convincing them...

When you're a kid, you don't believe it. Even my adult children don't always understand it. There is nothing like the worry a Mother feels when her chicks are not in the nest...and she's not sure where they are!

DS 4 has hit the lovely middle school ages (for the record, these are not my favorite)...today he's out playing and I cannot find him. So here I sit. Worried sick. Blogging to pass the time while I wait. DSs 2 and 3 are out looking for him again. While they may necessarily understand what it does to me or why...they at least have reached the place where they know it's in the "Mother DNA".

It's always at these times I feel the urge to call my own Mother and ask her forgiveness for all the nights I came home a bit late and didn't call. I know she had her moments of panic.

I think it's how we're wired. And no amount of rewiring is going to change it.



{Edited to add: We found him. Actually, his brothers did. Still he doesn't get it. My only hope is that someday he will.}

It's hard sometimes...

I have a "boundary pusher". You know, the kid who is told "no"...but still crosses the line just to see how far he can go? Actually, I gave birth to more than ONE boundary pusher. Still the creme-de-la-creme is my youngest son. I know that there are many factors that lead to this behavior. Perhaps it's because I was a bit of a boundary pusher myself as a child. Perhaps it's because his father was. And perhaps it's also because he's been successful at it more than a few times in his short life. I know that I am not good at always drawing the black and white line. What can I say? I see the gray!

It doesn't matter HOW he developed the skill. What matters most is that we recognize it and handle it properly. There's nothing I can do about his DNA. I can, however, work on my response to the moments when he's pushing.

Today, was a bit of a test for me. He asked if he could come to my office for lunch. I have work to do. A lot of it. He thinks when he comes in here and quietly watches TV that I can still get my work done. For the most part, he's right. But it's still a distraction. I told him "No, not today."

He started with the "Pllleeeaassseee!" which has about 10 syllables when he's trying to move the boundary. I explained that he asked the question, I gave the answer and that was final.

Then, I did the thing I learned in Psych. 101: "ignore the behavior and it'll go away". I turned my back to continue opening car doors at parent pick-up. Almost as if it's a mantra, I was repeating the Psych. words over and over in my head while the pleading and begging was happening behind me. It was quiet begging, but it was still begging. I said nothing except "good morning" to the kids who were arriving at school. Finally, I felt this hand on my shoulder and a bit of a hug followed up by these words, "Well, have a good day Mom!" And he walked away. He walked away!

He didn't see my eyes well up with tears. He doesn't know that I wanted to grab him and say, "OK come for lunch." He also doesn't know that the Trace Adkins song plays over and over in my head when I skip these "opportunities"--"You're gonna' miss this...".

Mostly, though, he doesn't understand yet, that the very WORST thing I could do is not stick by my "no". He'll figure it out someday. I realize it may be when I am a Grandmother watching him raise his own children. Still I know he'll get it.

Do you know WHY I am so sure?
Because i'm sure my own parents are watching me navigate the parenting waters and whispering a great sigh of relief that I finally understand!

Just Keeping It Real...

My blogging friend, Lauren, over at Baseballs & Bows recently reported on her family's trip to Disney. I loved it because at the end of each wonderful recollection post, she'd include the "keeping it real" section where she reported if and when there was conflict or some other less than positive event on that day. Not long after I hit publish on my last post, birthday boy and a portion of his day, went sour. I wasn't going to share it, but I think it's important to know. So, Lauren, and all the rest of my sweet blogging friends, here's my attempt at Keeping it Real:

Before you think I'm a horrible Mother that ruins birthdays (like DS 4 told me), I want to show you visual evidence that there WAS fun that surrounded this celebration:


The photo above shows what happened at my house on Friday night. DS 4 had several friends over. They roasted marshmallows, ate pizza, skateboarded, opened gifts, and played Wii Rock Band. DS 3 and DH even MADE him his birthday cake (not the norm in our house).

On Saturday, his actual birthday, I took him to mini-Golf. We had a great time and he even got two holes-in-one! And only moments after the golf game was done, and these happy photos were taken, it all went down...though not as smooth as the airline that just landed on the Hudson.

I suppose I should have turned around after DS 4 took this shot of me, cause it was very telling. I am standing in front of the "sheriff's office" at the golf course. Little did I know, the sheriff in me was going to have to come in and take over.
It was after we finished our golf game, that DS 4 said, "I just want to hit a bucket of balls." I told him that we could not do that now and the 3-year-old that lives in all of us came out in him big time! He started whining and begging (which drives me CRAZY). I repeatedly told him no and explained that we just spent money on something fun and it was time for lunch.



After we got in the car, I thought it was over. But, like my car, it was just REVVING up! I told him he had a choice for his birthday lunch: restaurant A or B. He hemmed and hawed around and "couldn't choose". I warned him, "Place A is coming up on the left, you have until just after this stoplight to make your decision. Otherwise we are going to head off to the other place." He kept stalling and I passed place A. He cried. He said, "I don't get why you can't make a U-turn!" I said, "I gave you a choice. And by not making one, you made it."



I pulled into place B. We are now going on about 30 minutes of fits! On the way there, he said, "Mom, you're ruining my birthday!" Thoughts of him sitting on some therapist's couch when he's 40 ran through my head. But they were quickly replaced by thoughts of a young man who can't make a decision and thinks he can talk his way out of most situations. And I decided that I had to stand firm.


As I pulled into place B, I knew I was hungry and I DEFINITELY "needed" a Diet Coke! He said, "I am NOT eating here." I said "OK, I am. You can wait for me." He got in line just behind me as I placed my order. I handed him money and explained that he could order if he chose to eat. I also explained that when I finished, if he did not have food, we were leaving and he would eat at home.


The questions...and the child tug-o-war....started immediately after I sat down. He continued to be non-decisive and whiny. I ignored him except for the occasional reminder that the clock was ticking and the window of opportunity was shutting.


Sure enough, it ended. When I finished my food, he announced, "I know what I want now." I took the money from his hand and said, "I'm sorry, you chose not to eat here. You'll be eating at home." As he followed me to the car, mortified by the line in the sand, the tears and words began to flow. I explained to him that he was "only making it worse". I reminded him that he needed to stop and then my timer began. I told him for every disrespectful word out of his mouth, he was earning an amount of time in his room. Let's just say, by the time we got home, it was 2 hours and 15 minutes. I sent him directly there with no food.


And when he was quietly tucked away in his room to think about his attitude and actions, I tucked myself quietly away with my diet coke to settle down. I KNOW the boundaries are important. I KNOW that we ALL push them when we can. I KNOW that he needed the parent that would set the boundary and abide by it no matter what day of the year it was. It still made my Mother's words come back to me, "This hurts me more than it hurts you!" (I don't know if that's quite the truth...but I understand it.)


Later, DS 4 came out of his room, had some lunch and said, "I'm sorry about my attitude, Mom. I'll try and do better next time."


And that's when I knew it was all worth it. And someday, he will too!

As you know, today was THE day....when we took DS 1 to ship off to Boot Camp. Here are some of the highlights of our day...

The three "older brothers" have a bonding moment in the middle of the kitchen before we head north.

And my DS 4 did NOT want to be left out. In fact, he took it much harder than I ever expected. His tears flowed freely tonight as he hugged his brother goodbye.


We had some time to fill in Tampa, so we went to the International Plaza and took some pics.

Here are DSs 2 and 3 who were a bit left out when I took a picture with DSs 1 and 4. And look what my sweet children did for me....they indulged me a took a picture with SANTA!! Aren't they simply the best? I know many many teens and young adults who would NEVER do such a thing for their Mother...but they did it.
This was one of the best Santa displays I've seen. It was themed around The Polar Express (one of my favorites) and includes this snow globe that you have to walk through to get to Santa. There is "snow" falling inside...I thought that was so neat. And while we were in the mall, we found the store with the massage chairs. DS 1 took a minute to enjoy a massage since he knows he won't be experiencing much "comfort" over the next few weeks and months.

After getting him checked in, we enjoyed dinner at Outback Steakhouse with his Uncle and three of his Grandparents.

After dinner, we took him back to the hotel and left him. He sent me the sweetest text on the way home. I tried to take a picture, but I cannot get the words to come out in focus. Anyway, the text read: Thanks for being a great parent and raising me right. Now rest assured the Army will be my pathway to being the best.

As I said yesterday, "The young man's fine...the Mother's a wreck!" BUT I am a MIGHTY PROUD wreck!! And, yes son, I'll be FINE!

Thanks, everyone, for your sweet thoughts and kind words today.

Mother/Son Status Check

You might remember when we all dressed up like the photo on the right to throw a huge surprise party for my DS 1 before he headed off to boot camp. And when DSs 3 and 4 and I painted our rug camouflage like the photo on the left. And you also might remember that he didn't get to go at that time for several reasons.


But the time has come for him to leave and head off to Boot Camp tomorrow. It's a day we've known was going to happen and that he's anticipated for quite some time. As I've noted several times, I am a bit melancholy about the whole thing. It's a "Mom Thing" and I'm OK with that.

There have been several instances over the past week or so that I've been reduced to tears in a matter of moments. Whether it's "just the right song" or a mention of military men and women or patriotism or parenting. I never know when it's going to hit, but it has.

Today I was remembering him as a little boy heading off to school for the first time. It was to be the first time I was really "away" from them as I'd always taught at the preschools and day cares they attended. And he was in my Kindergarten class. When we walked into first grade, I thought maybe he'd be a bit apprehensive. But he wasn't. He walked in and sat down and looked at me like, "you can go now." I walked back to my DH waiting in the car and announced, "The Mother's a wreck, but the child's just fine." I just wanted to freeze that moment in time.

And that pretty much sums up where we are here almost fifteen years later. He's confident and ready to take the next step in his life's journey, but I'd like to stop here and make time stand still for just a while longer. And really, if you think about it, that's exactly the gift I got when his date was shifted from April to November. Just look at some of the special memories I will now hold so dear as he goes...

We had the pleasure of having him here for DS 3's end of middle school and DS 2's graduation. In the picture above, he's surprising his brother on the last day of 8th grade in the gorilla costume along with the school's mascot (the Ram).

We had a great time in July scalloping at the river...
And I will be forever grateful for the time we got to spend in Ohio in September for my Grandma's birthday...
There are many other "gifts" I've had over the past few months. And, for now, that's what I'll cling to as I watch him go tomorrow.

Still...it's true..."the Mother's a wreck, but the child YOUNG MAN is just fine!"

I love you, son!!

The Mother and the Goose

This post could just as easily be titled: "What I learned at school this week"!

E is the Kindergarten Student that I told you about earlier this week. We have had to physically take him to class every day this week. On Monday afternoon, Mom asked me if I would meet her at the parking lot every day to get him from her car and escort him to class. She is very pregnant and has back trouble. Since I am there each day, I agreed.

The first day, I had to escort him he kicked and screamed the whole way there. Someone who is trained to physically handle children came soon after we arrived in class and removed him. He did eventually go to class with a turtle puppet that belonged to one of our counselors.

The second day when Mom showed up, I met E at the car with my smiling teacher face and welcomed him back to school. As I am physically pulling the flailing child from the car, I put him in one arm—kind of in a football hold—and went to grab the backpack and lunchbox from the back seat. Mom, in a very serious voice, handed me this two inch tall plastic goose and said, “Here’s the goose. He’s going to need it.”

OK. I am curious, but I am not stupid. I was not going to stand there for an explanation with the child wriggling, squirming, screaming and kicking in my arms! I took the goose and said, “OK.”

The Principal saw that E wasn’t happy and came and took him from me. I took the backpack, lunchbox, and the goose to the teacher. I told the teacher, “E is here today. Here’s the goose. Mom says he’s going to need it.” The teacher, looked at it quizzically but stuck the little figure in his pocket.

Yesterday afternoon, E’s Mom found me on my way to our Parent Pick-Up line. And she approached me very seriously and said, “I gave you the goose. We are going to need it.” I said, “I gave it to Mr. B.” She said, “Well, we need it.” So, I got on my radio and called the office. Can you imagine what my call sounded like to everyone with a radio?

“Um, Office, this is Mrs. N. Can you please call Mr. B. and ask him to bring E’s goose to Parent Pick-up?”

The reply came quickly, “Mrs. N. I don’t think I understand your request.”

I said, “E’s Mother sent a goose to the room this morning and she needs it back.”

The Office person, hearing the seriousness in my voice, said: “OK I’ll call him and ask him for it.”

Soon, the goose and Mr. B. showed up at Parent Pick-Up and all was well in the world again.

When I was relaying the story to my boys last night, I mentioned that I am not “trained to do restraints” and they replied: “MOM, you’ve raised FOUR boys…you are QUITE TRAINED!”

Well, OK-then. I guess what I need is a little “goose training”. Cause I know I’m missing something somewhere!!

A New Day Dawns...

Here we are at the first day of school. I usually LOVE this day. I love the smell of new crayons. Having new school supplies. I love seeing the boys get dressed up in their new uniforms and clothes. I love it all.

Today, though, I had a tear in my eye. I dropped my DS 3 off at High School for the first time. He walked confidently onto the campus, and I had a tear in my eye. I'm allowed. I'm the Mom!

I am not one of those Moms who wants to keep them forever small. I love watching them grow. And, in fact, I've quite enjoyed the high school years with my older two. But, it means I am one step closer to having less in the nest.

I know I talk about wanting a "pink room". And I'm not kidding about that. I want a place where I can do what I want. Watch Lifetime movies. Laugh. Cry. And, in general, be a "girl". My friend Kelly keeps telling me I need to fill my room with American Girl dolls and only allow girls inside!! And I might.

The truth is, however, that I LOVE having my boys. I love being around them. I love how they tussel. I was meant for the life I've been given. And I'm not in that big a hurry to have them gone just so I can have a little space.

And watching each of them take a new step in their schooling just means I am that much closer to bigger changes. DSs 1 and 2 have finished that season of their lives. They are doing the "college thing" now. I know that I will but blink my eyes and DS 3 will be done with high school. That will mean my DS 4 will be much older too.

And THAT'S why I get all sappy!

Just a Glimpse

If you've read my blog for any time at all, then you know that my guys have a bent toward music. Until he left full time ministry, DH played in the worship band at our church. DSs 1 and 2 played in the Youth bands there as well. The picture above shows DS 1 and another music leader at our former church playing for DH on his last Sunday there.

The boys also have played in neighborhood bands. Times have changed and now none of them are playing at church regularly, and any neighborhood jamming happens sporadically at best, thus I don't get to hear them too often.

That changed today.

DS 2 was asked earlier this week to fill in on drums at church since the regular drummer was going to be out of town. DH received a call yesterday from the Pastor (who also plays piano) and found out that the worship leader was very ill and his wife was in the hospital. He (the Pastor) wanted to know if DH could help with worship.

Now, remember that DH has not really done much "music" since we left our last church more than a year ago. When I came home from running errands yesterday, every guitar in our house was in the middle of our living room. DH was sitting with his music and DS 3 was kind of supervising things as they discussed possible songs that would "work" last minute. They went for a mini-rehearsal and planning session yesterday afternoon.

DS 1 spent the week away on a National Guard drill weekend. I mentioned to DH that it was a shame that DS 1 wasn't home since I know he'd love to come play with them. DH said he talked to our son midday and was told, "Dad, I'll come play if you can OK it with the Sergeant."

Call me a pessimist, but I wasn't looking for the ARMY to let our son leave their planned drill weekend so he could go help bail out a church with a limited praise band. Once again, though, I was amazed to find out that the Sergeant did, indeed, agree to let DS 1 leave drill for the service. He was going to have the Specialist drive him to church in the morning and we would return him to the armory after the service.

Fast forward to this morning's service. I only wish I had a camera to show you the gift I was given today. Once again, I got to hear and see "my guys" help lead worship! I love listening to my DS 1 and my DH sing and worship. And I love watching DS 2 play those drums. AND they did one of my favorite songs, "Heart of Worship" by Matt Redman. DS 3 even helped with the song and service slides.

I'm so proud of each of my guys. They are a joy to me. I love watching them use the talent that God has given them, for Him. It was bittersweet, though. DS 1 will leave in less than a month for the Army. DS 2 will leave in August for college. So, when the pastor spoke about trying to "force God's hand" rather than "walking in God's perfect plan" and letting him "direct our paths", I knew I needed to hear it. I am, afterall, a control-freak who would love to continue to direct each of their paths. I know, though, that is not my role at this juncture of their lives.

Instead, as I watched them play the final notes of today's service, I whispered a prayer, "They're yours, Lord...thank you, again, for the blessing that they are to me." And then I thought: "I don't know what their futures hold, but I KNOW WHO holds each of their futures."

And, THAT makes all the difference!

Our Somewhat Annual Trek...

Some of you have been around here long enough to remember, this post recounting my trip to the fair with DS 4 just shy of one year ago. In that post, I confessed my sin of being a "goldfish killer" when I was a much younger mother. In an effort to put away my past, DS 4 and I bought the tank that is shown at the bottom of last year's post and began our quest to be good goldfish owners.

I'd say we succeeded. The first fish, Swimmy, died just after Christmas of this year. For those of you non-Math people, that's nine months after he came to live in our house. The second fish, Swimmy Joe, died just one week ago! That's almost exactly 12 months! A goldfish record for us.

DH recently purchased a "sucker fish" to add to the tank. Unfortunately, we lost that one this weekend.

Anyone who knows my DS 4 knows that he is an animal lover to the utmost. It doesn't matter what the animal is...he has a HUGE place in his heart for it. His fish were so important to him. When each one died, he cried big crocodile tears. And, trust me, there was no porcelain grave for our fish. No sirree!

Instead, his Dad (who is also an animal lover at heart) helped him bury each one ceremoniously at the side of our house. They even used a shovel to dig the holes...even though I'm pretty certain a garden trowel or a spoon would do.

Today, we went to the fair and DS 4 was laser focused on playing the ping pong game to get two new fish. It didn't matter that he was wearing a wrist band that allowed him to ride any ride all day. It didn't matter that they "might" die within a short time. It didn't matter that our fish from last year had longer than expected lives. Nope. None of that mattered to him.

I gave in. He played. We spent a whopping $2 and won two fish. DS 4 announced on the way home that he was going to name one "Swimmy the Second". I don't know what fish 2 is going to be called.

Regardless of their names, they are happily swimming in the tank tonight. And we are ready to be responsible goldfish owners once again. On our way home, DS 4 announced, "I just sleep better when I have a pet in my room with me." Well, alright then. At least we'll all sleep peacefully tonight.

Life's Journey...

I have used this quote many many times in professional development for teachers. In the past 24 hours, it's taken on new meaning for me.

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. Marcel Proust

As I've said before, I occasionally get weepy. Some of it is directly related to being a Mom who is watching her boys grow right before her eyes...and perhaps before she's ready. Some of it is general life frustrations. Some of it is probably because I'm a mid-forty-something female.

This weekend, I've had a couple of weepy moments. My DS 1 was out on "drill weekend" with his National Guard unit. He leaves in a few short weeks for Basic Training and AIT. I have come to grips with the whole decision and am quite proud, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't make me emotional.

DS 2 is getting closer to heading off to college in the Fall. He'll be moving to Michigan. That's a long way away!

I love watching all four of them grow! Really I do. I'll admit there are times when I get frustrated....what parent doesn't? I find myself wanting them to fit MY mold, do things in MY time, and even in MY way. Perhaps it's like Proust says, I want them to "seek different landscapes". I've learned, though, that this simply isn't what's best. They must make decisions and move along their journey with my (and DH's) guidance...and they must fall sometimes to learn....

Yesterday, I found myself talking with God about some of my "would've", "could've" and "should've"s with regard to being their Mom. I asked forgiveness for those moments when we miss the mark. I asked Him to help me be the Mother they need. And I asked Him to help me see them through His eyes as they each take the next steps in their journeys. I asked Him to help me, as my sweet blogging friend, Lazy Daisy has taught me, to "Say little, PRAY much!" I asked Him to give me "new eyes" through which to view my young men.

And today, quite by surprise, I have seen each one of them in a new way---through NEW EYES!

DS 3 and DS 2 made me downright proud yesterday when they joined our church's "Roadie" team. This is the group of dedicated members who go up to the school on Saturday to prepare it for Sunday's service. When I watched them go, I realized they have become young men who care about others and are willing to serve when and where they can.

DS 4, along with DSs 2 and 3, pitched in to help me "greet" at church today. I know there are many young people out there who would go have a root canal before they helped out in such a way!

After church, I watched the three of them help clean up and never complain about lifting or pushing or packing all the "stuff". We enjoyed a lovely lunch together with DS 2's GF during which we shared wonderful conversation.

This afternoon, DS 1 came home from his drill and although he's tired, he was so proud to tell us that he got promoted to the next rank. He now has some leadership responsibility in his unit. This is quite exciting for him as it confirms that he is doing his job well.

When I gave birth to my second son, for a brief blink-of-an-eye moment, I wondered if we'd ever have a girl. I felt guilty and found myself speaking with God about it for I truly was so thankful to be a Mom with a beautiful new baby. God made it so clear to me at that time that DH and I needed to raise Godly young men who would one day become responsible husbands and fathers and citizens. I knew with each subsequent pregnancy when people would speculate if this was "my girl" that it was, instead, another one of God's young men.

Yes, they are growing. Yes, they will each reach that moment when they "leave the nest". Yes, all of our landscapes will change in the coming months. Yes, there are plenty of "would've, could've, should've"s BUT...when I look at them through the eyes of God, I see them differently. I see the fruit that is in each of their lives....I see their awesome potential as they get ready to face the world.

And I'm excited to watch the next step in each of their journeys no matter where it takes them!

I'm TIRED!

For some reason tonight, the events of my entire week seems to have collided in my head and body and I'm feeling the crash and burn that often accompanies that. In fact, when I sat at dinner with my four sons, and another "adopted son" who is a friend of theirs, the boys said, "Mom, you look like you're really tired." One noted, "I'm thinking you need to go take a nap." Another said, "Maybe you need to read a book." I agreed. Then, their friend, Kyle looked at me and said, "I'm thinking you need to take a hot bath....and maybe drink a glass of wine...and just relax."

All I could think was, "You boys are going to make GREAT husbands one day! You know some of the best antidotes for a tired woman!"

I may be tired, but I was, once again proud of "my" guys!! Now I'm off to apply their suggestions...

Thursday Thirteen #45

In addition to being tagged by Linda (see yesterday's post), I was also tagged by Carrie at My Lil' Corner of the World to give one thing that "Real Mom's" do. I know it says one...but I thought I'd make it part of my Thursday Thirteen today. Soooooo...here's my list:

REAL MOM'S
1. Know when to let their "chicks" fly from the nest...and when to keep them there.

2. Can tell one kid where to find that new shirt that was just washed via cell phone, drive another to soccer or ballet, feed another one dinner, help another with their homework all while driving!

3. Can be reduced to tears by the simplest things a child does or says (even when they are taller than you)

4. Set a moral and spiritual example for their children

5. Model how to love a spouse

6. Can listen without always offering advice

7. Don't flinch (on the outside) when they ask hard questions

8. Remain calm at the sight of blood...knows how to get to the ER or Doctor's office pronto

9. Cuddle

10. Learn to keep opinions to themselves at sporting events YET...

11. They KNOW when to and DO advocate for their child in appropriate situations

12. Allow "funky" fads...knowing it can and will "pass"

13. Love their kids with all their heart and soul....and help them to become all they can be.

Guilty Mother Syndrome

I have it: Guilty Mother Syndrome!

Here's why: When DSs 1 and 2 were about 3 and 4 years old, we went to the fair and played the ping pong ball in the bowl game. And we "won"--not ONE but TWO fish! We had no fish tank or goldfish bowl. We took them home, and put them in a Tupperware bowl on the counter. One died in about 24 hours. The other one, though, was quite a fighter. He was still alive when the bowl turned pretty nasty. And he showed no signs of slowing down. I confess, I flushed him alive! I didn't tell the kids he died...only that I had to get rid of the water and thus, he had to go too. They were a bit heart broken, but soon got over it.

Fifteen years later (tonight) I took DS 4 to the fair. He has been telling me for DAYS that the ONLY thing he wanted to do at the fair was throw the ping pong ball into a bowl for a fish. I've given him hundreds of reasons WHY we shouldn't play that game. I "forgot" to tell him that fish one might die in 24 hours and fish two might be flushed by his fish-killer Mother. I figure some things are simply better left unsaid.

I thought I could distract him. I thought we'd get through the midway without finding a ping pong ball game...and we almost succeeded...except the first Bumper Cars were broken and we ended up on the second one. Right there, off the exit of that ride was the cheapest game on the midway, the Ping Pong Ball Toss.

I let him throw the first ten balls for $2, while I talked to my brother on the cell phone. I TOLD Dan to "pray that none went in"...and they didn't. DS 4 came to me with HUGE crocodile tears and said, "I have two dollars at home, can I PLEASE try one more time? I'll pay for it." I gave in....especially since I was still talking to Dan and his prayer "worked" the first time. I told him to pray again...and soon after my request was made, the FIRST ball landed in the bowl of water....then less than three balls later...the second ball went into the bowl. DS 4 excitedly came over with his two new fish. To say his face was glowing would be an absolute understatement.

Here's where the Guilty Mother Syndrome kicks in. Knowing that I do NOT want to be known as a fish-killer, and wanting to avoid having goldfish slime in a bowl on my counter, I decided that I wanted to help DS 4 be a successful goldfish owner. We went to Petland with his left over Christmas gift cards and he is now the proud owner of this goldfish tank (see below).

Our conversation on the way home was a DS 4 "classic". Holding the two bags gingerly in his lap, he announced, "This one's name is Swimmy. And THIS one is 'Swimmy Joe'." The car grew quiet as I pondered THAT. Then he said, "Swimmy likes me already! He's getting used to me!" He quickly added, "Mom, I think Swimmy Joe is one of those nervous fish. He is missing his home at the fair. But, he'll get used to me soon." Then he proceeded to talk reassuring "fish talk" to this bag of water for the next few minutes.

I "hope" Swimmy Joe IS just missing his home at the fair..and news didn't spread too fast that he was going home with that horrible Mother that killed his great great great great grandfish!

They don't look too stressed, do they??

It's Saturday Morning 6:52am, Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

I thought my answer was YES! But this morning, I learned otherwise. You see, I was having a peaceful slumber...visiting dreamland when I heard a BANG! BANG! BANG!on my bedroom door. It was followed quickly by the burst of air as the door opened and DS 4 shouting excitedly, "MOM, I caught a FISH!"

Now, if you are not a regular blog reader of mine, you probably don't know that I am NOT an early riser. And I am not a "quick riser" either...I have to get my bearings...you know, kind of EASE into the day. Thank goodness, DH balances me out in this department. He does hop out of bed pretty quick in the mornings.

But, upon hearing the BANG and the announcement, neither of us moved too quick this morning. DH said, "Do you need help getting it off the line?" To which DS 4 replied, "Yes." And he was gone, back out to the pond.

It has taken me longer to type this than the exchange actually took. I
looked at the clock when he entered at 6:52am and it was still 6:52 when he was
back out the door and outside.

By 6:53am reality hit me and I thought, "SURELY he is NOT outside fishing at this hour?" But as DH went outside to help take the fish off the line, I knew it was true. This thought was followed by, "What horrible parents we are not knowing that our youngest son is outside the house!" DH came back inside and told me that DS 4 announced, "This is a REALLY good time to fish, Dad!"

Most reasonable families probably DID know where their children were at that hour on a Saturday morning. And I suspect, most 8-year-olds were IN BED where they belonged. I haven't even asked DS 4 what posessed him to get up and go fishing...but then I am not sure that's a question that you ask someone who really considers himself a "Fisherman". (By the way, I DID know where all THREE of my Teens were...and they WERE where they were supposed to be!!)

DS 4 has been fishing pretty much all morning. He's caught (and released) two fish as I type this. I'm glad he's figured out what time it's best to fish...because two years ago he figured out what time NOT to fish

To figure out the mystery of WHY someone would WANT to get out of a perfectly comfy bed and sit on the bank of a pond, I went to Google and looked up fishing quotes...here are two that I think pretty much sum up DS 4's fishing drive:

Good things come to those who bait. ~Author Unknown

The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope. ~John Buchan

And so I find myself now saying...

Hope on, son, hope on!!

TMI--Is THIS an Excuse???

DS 4, age 8, is in the second grade at my school. This means that I get to hear first-hand when stuff goes "wrong" with him in the classroom (some of the time). I love his teacher and she is good about not giving me blow-by-blow details of his misdoings. He really doesn't get into trouble at school...but this week was a bit different....

I walked into his room on another unrelated issue yesterday, and the teacher asked me, "Did he tell you why he gets 'five' at recess today?" I said, "No." I should explain that "five" means you sit out for "five minutes" due to something that happened in the classroom or school grounds. Some kids get "ten" and others get "fifteen" depending on the infraction or the accumulation of "fives".

She proceeded to tell me that he was talking during the Code Red the previous day. Code Red is our lockdown drill. Our district started these soon after Columbine. It is a way to practice what to do if something is happening on or near the campus that requires lockdown for safety. The lights are off and the people in the room stay quiet. Apparently, my DS was talking during it!

Now, it did go for about 12 minutes that day. And I know that can seem like a long time, but they didn't know if it was a drill or a real lockdown. I'm thinking he needs to keep his mouth shut so he doesn't draw attention to him or his classroom...is that too much to ask?

Yesterday evening, I picked him up at his Grandparents' house. They took him home for me because I had a long meeting after school. He hopped in my car and said, "I got a note in my agenda today and I'm so mad!" I asked why. He tells me that he got a note during Music and that he had to write an apology letter....because he was TALKING during Music class.

I asked him, "Why can't you just keep your mouth shut when it's supposed to be?"

He replied, "I have too much information in my head and it has to come out!"

I had no reply to that. In my mind, I'm thinking "too much information"!?! Is that really the excuse he just used???? Why didn't he just say "I don't know." or "It's hard." Or any other number of excuses that are already in my "Mommy Handbook"...but TMI??? I wasn't ready for that one!

So, calmly I told him, "You're going to have to learn to hold all that information in your head until an appropriate time to tell somebody." He said, "I know. I try. But I can't."

Then I launched into the thing my Mother always pulled out of HER "Mommy Handbook" when someone said "I can't." I replied (in my best I'm-turning-into-my-mother-voice), "Can't never could!" He looked at me puzzled. I tried to explain without much success...maybe my explanation was too much information.

We left it that he would try to hold all that information in his head until an appropriate time to let it out...

...at least during Music and Code Reds!!

A Reminder....

I didn't need anything to remind me just how special it is being a Mom this week. I have had plenty to keep this at the forefront of my thoughts. But I got a reminder anyway....

Last night, I watched a dear friend in pain over some choices her child is making. I sat with her and tried to help her process what was happening. I tried to think about what I would do in her situation...I can honestly say I don't know the answer. She is a single mother doing the best she can to raise this child in a loving Christian home. And her child doesn't see it. I don't think she needed "answers" from me...more a listening ear.

Of course our children all go through times when they think we are the WORST parents in the world. I try to tell my boys that contrary to what they (or their friends) might believe, parents do NOT sit around and ask themselves: "So, how can I make this one miserable this week?" We are all doing the best we can. Sometimes we do well and sometimes we don't.

I guess the reminder I got through my friend's pain is just how blessed I am that my children are making good choices right now. It also helped me whisper a prayer of thanks for my dh who helps me do the parenting in our family. I know being single can make it much more difficult. It's tiring and can make you grow weary.

My friend is kind of at the opposite end of the parenting continuum from where I am this week....I've been on the "UPside" of the experience and she is not. And truly if she didn't love her child it wouldn't hurt her so much and be so painful.

I was reminded how deep the love the parents that I know have for their children. And I was reminded that sometimes parents just need to wrap themselves in the arms of the ultimate parent, God, and let Him hold us as we walk the journey of parenting our children.