The chair will be empty

DH walked her, with 8yo head hung low, out to the room where I was working . He warned me, "You're not going to be happy with what she is about to tell you." Then, he tapped LG on the shoulder and said, "Go show her what you did." She walked slowly to where I was and revealed to me her toes. Then she said, "I colored my toes with permanent marker."


Now, I have to tell you I may not have bellowed all three of her names if I had not JUST taken her three days prior for a pedicure. I probably wouldn't have said, "WHAT were you thinking!?!" with quite the same fervor either. I definitely wouldn't have been as miffed if we hadn't JUST had the conversation about not coloring your fingernails and toes with marker four days prior to the offense.


But, I said it, "First. Middle. Last. WHAT were you thinking!?!"


She stood there staring at me. Unable to answer. Remorseful. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Then I reminded her what I paid for the pedicure that she chose to color over. I told her I was disappointed. I told her that her pedicure days have ended for now and that we would have to get nail polish remover and remove all color from her toes.

Admittedly as we hunted down the nail polish remover and cotton balls, I grilled a little bit more. I asked, "While coloring TEN toes with marker...over the cute little decoration that the nail tech painted on there...it never occurred to you that Dad or I "might" be upset that you did this??" She answered quietly, "No." I could feel another rant coming on. "No!?!?!? You have GOT to be kidding me!" Followed by, "If I gave you $25 in cash, would you just color all over it with marker?" Another quiet "No" was her reply. I'm sure I asked at least 25 times, "WHY would you color your toes with markers?" And all 25 times she told me she didn't know.

I know it wasn't the end of the world. Heck she hasn't even really done much "wrong" since she moved in last October! Still, she had to know that when we draw a line (like no nail coloring with markers), we are serious. She also needed to know that we were disappointed and that her actions have a consequence.

After removing the marker AND the underlying nail polish, I told her she needed to go apologize to DH because he, after all, is the one who TOLD her last week not to do it. She did. They snuggled. It was tender. Then, she and I started the bedtime routine where we snuggle together and pray. The prayer we prayed was one of thanks and forgiveness. It was one that reminded her that even when we mess up...there is love.

I'll be honest. As I left her room I thought, "This IS something I know we'll tell in years to come when we are doing the "Remember when..." stories." And we'll ALL laugh together. Until then, I took a moment and laughed on my own.

Then I wondered just how lonely I'd be the next time I'm sitting in the pedicure chair without her by my side! And I realized there was more than one remorseful female in our house that evening.

Three Book Reviews:

My reading life went on a downward spiral in the second half of 2009. I finished a few books. I even have some read that I didn't review...but, for the most part, it stalled. I could give a thousand reasons why, but it wouldn't really matter. What does matter is that I totally miss getting "lost" in a book on a regular basis. My goal is to pick up my pace and actually start taking the time to do this more often.


I also miss writing my book reviews. I like recording what I read. It shows, in so many ways, who I am. I have now finished three books since January and decided to get back in the swing of things, I'd review them here.

First up is Nothing But Trouble by Susan May Warren. This is the first in a Christian Fiction series about PJ Sugar. She is a young woman who has spent ten years after high school graduation moving around the country hoping to avoid the disaster that she thinks defines her life.


When her sister calls and says that she needs her to come home for her wedding and honeymoon to watch her four-year-old nephew, PJ is reluctant. Still she comes to her sister's aid and is forced to face some of her past. First is her Mother, but the most difficult is her former high school sweetheart, Boone Buckham. Boone is now a police officer in their small town of Kellogg, Minnesota.


PJ's plan to only stay a short time is put on hold when her best friend's husband is arrested for the murder of their former high school teacher. PJ springs into action and unearths some inner "private investigator"! Throughout this book is the important lesson that despite our flaws, we are all important and flawless to God.


I enjoyed this book and was thrilled to hear that book 2, Double Trouble, is now available! It was an enjoyable read with plenty of humor and suspense woven together.

My next read was the fourth book in the Sisters, Ink series by Rebecca Seitz. This is also a Christian Fiction series that centers around the Sinclair sisters, their husbands, and their Father and new Stepmother. These four sisters love scrapbooking together.



I won the first book back in March 2008. I was immediately drawn to the Sinclair sisters on many levels. Their Daddy is a preacher who lost his wife to cancer. They live in a small town in Tennessee (one of my favorite places). They are all adopted to the Sinclairs and are from four different ethnic backgrounds...yet they are bound to each other as only siblings can be.



Perfect Piece is the story of Meg, the sibling who is most like their Momma. Early in the story, Meg collapses with a brain tumor. Surgery removes the tumor, but what ensues is the recovery from this type of surgery. Meg, and the family, are forced to deal with severe dpression, mood swings, anger and bitterness. She goes from being a "glass half full" to a "glass half empty" girl. It's very hard for all of them to handle...most of all, Meg's husband Jamison. He misses the person with whom he fell in love.



As with the first three novels, this book also has a faith thread woven throughout. I love the fact that Seitz keeps it real and is not overbearing with it. These are everyday people struggling with everyday problems.

If you choose to pick up this series, I highly recommend reading it in order. The stories definitely build on each other. Honestly, I am going to miss this family! As I reached the final pages in this novel, I was a bit sad to see it end.


Finally, I veered away from Christian Fiction to read one of my favorite Secular Fiction writers, Nicholas Sparks. It's been a while since I've picked up any of Sparks' books. It's not because I don't thoroughly enjoy them, but because I know they will evoke some deep emotions while I am reading.

Since I never know whether he's going to have a happy or sad ending, I sometimes choose not to begin! I've been known to lay on my couch reading with tears streaming down my face. I don't always mind that, just have to be in the right mood for it!

The Choice is the love story of Travis Parker and Gabby Holland. It takes place in the small shore town of Beaufort, North Carolina. The story moves from the present, February 2007 where Parker is bringing flowers to his wife who "he has not spoken to". He quickly flashes back 11 years and recounts the story of how they met and fell in love. Here's a synopsis from Barnes and Noble:

Sometimes, we make choices we didn't choose to make. Travis Parker, for
example, wasn't looking for a relationship; from his perspective, his life was
pretty close to perfect. And new neighbor Gabby Holland wasn't exactly dating
material. This attractive redhead had a longtime steady boyfriend and treated
Travis like an unwanted guest. But the unexpected can reshape our lives,
shredding every well-laid plan into wedding confetti... Another masterfully
nuanced relationship novel from Nicholas Sparks.

I agree. The writer quickly brings us back to the present-day as Travis Parker is forced to answer the question, "How far would you go to keep the hope of love alive?" I am choosing to leave a more detailed review for this part of the book as I think it would just give away too much of the story. Finally, the epilogue does a nice job of bringing closure to this story.

I won't say I didn't go on the emotional roller coaster with this book. I found it hard to put down. There were moments where I was forced to think about my own ethical choices and wondered what choice I would make in Travis' situation. The truth is, I don't know. But, I DO know that in the end, it's LOVE that often helps us make our decisions!

There you have it...my first three completed books from 2010! I'm still thinking about strolling through some of the classics. I may hold that off till Summer...we'll see.

An Award and some Introductions..

I received this sweet blog award from Catherine over at TheGiesbrechts Time and Tide. a week or so ago. I "met" Catherine this past year through Linda's Random Dozen Meme. At the time I started following her, Catherine was going through the pain of losing a parent. Her response was absolutely amazing and so transparent. If you get the chance, go visit her...you'll be glad you did.

Here is the information on this award: The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blog world.

Below are the rules for accepting this award:

* Put the logo on your blog or within your post.
* Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.
* Link the nominees within your post.
* Let the nominees know they have received the award by commenting on their blog.
* Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.

Soooo...here are 12 blogs that bring sunshine to my week...heck they bring sunshine to my life!
They are in no particular order--other than I went straight down my blogroll to add them here:

1. Melli over at Insanity Prevails I met Melli online a few years ago. We had the pleasure of actually meeting in real life when the Blogging Babes merged on Savannah in 2007. Melli has taught me so much via her blog, my email, and her friendship. She's one of my best "prayer pals"! This is one of the things that constantly amazes me about the blog world. I really have found some amazing friends!

2. Linda over at 2nd Cup of Coffee is someone I have never met in real life, but with whom I feel quite connected. Her posts make me laugh regularly. She is a joy to "read". We realized that our lives sort of intersected several years ago when her church (from Muncie, IN) was on a mission at our former church (in Pt. Charlotte, FL). That was before blogging...but I have always felt like I know her "in real life" for that reason.

3. Next up is Allie of Allie Chilling. Allie is from South Africa. I love her spark when she writes. She shares some fun and insightful blogposts. It has been a joy to get to know this blogging friend from a totally different place!

4. Lauren at Baseball and Bows is such a "bright spot" blogger! She has the sweetest stories of her children and their sweet sayings. Lauren was a teacher before she stayed home with her children. She loves books, reading, and making memories with her family.

5. Kelly at Chatty Kellyis someone I met through Linda's blog. She's become one of my favorites as she posts about her life as well as her faith. She challenges me and brings such joy as she uncovers some of God's promises to us.

6. Jane at Cozy Reader is one of the first blogs I started reading as I ventured into the blogging world. She and I have also met in real life. We are both "Minister's Mates" with husbands who graduated from Asbury Seminary. We connected pretty fast and she, too, is one of my prayer pals online.

7. Busy Bee Suz at Day by Day with Suz is the next recipient. She is a "newer blog" read for me, but I find her musings just delightful! I suppose one of the first things that attracted me to her was her name "Suz" cause many of my friends and family call me "Sooz"...and I thought it was cool to find another one "out there" in blogland. But her posts are definitely what keep me coming back.

8. Leigh Ann at Living to learn and Learning to Live is another "long time blog read" for me.
I honestly feel as if I am watching her children grow before my very eyes! Leigh Ann is a homeschooling Mom who lives in the north. She shares her stories about life with her kids and family as well as her amazing craft creations. She's quite creative!

9. Mary at Mary Hess is yet another blogger I have met in real life. She and I "met" via another website for Christian women a few years back (before blogging). We followed each other into the blogging world. She even designed one of my blog layouts a while back--cause she's a great friend like that! I love reading her insightful posts. She, too, is one of my online prayer pals. I love having these people in my life. They keep me focused and centered when I need it---and even when I think I don't!

10. Merrie at Merrie Days is also a fellow Minister's Mate. I don't even know how our paths crossed, but I am SO GLAD they did! She has an amazing family and shares her life with them as well as in the ministry. Her blog brings me joy!

11. Liz at Tickled Pink is someone I know in real life. She worked at my school and I have LOVED watching her blogging journey as she's become a first time Mommy! Her stories of life with Abby are delightful. They take me back to the time my guys were little. It really DOES seem like just yesterday on most days!

12. Daisy over at Lazy Daisy Log is also one of the "Blogging Babes" I met in Savannah! She is a real inspiration to me as she shares the joys of family and ministry via her blog. Daisy is also one of my online prayer pals. I love her encouragement and "you-can-do-it" spirit! What a joy!

So, there you have it. I hate narrowing down the blogroll to only 12 people! The truth is I follow WAY MORE than 12 blogs. I love reading them all and they ALL bring me sunshine in so many ways or they wouldn't be on my list!

Happy Blogging and Happy Saturday!

Deep Thoughts for a Wednesday....

This morning DS 4, LG and I were on the way to work, DS 4 and I had an interesting conversation:

As we passed under the interstate, DS 4 said, "Mom, you know how homeless people sometimes crawl up in the slope of the bridge and sleep?"

I said, "Yes."

He said, "I don't think you could get a peaceful night's sleep like that. I mean it must be so loud. I wonder how many of them go deaf or at least hard of hearing."

I told him that I wasn't sure about that, but I was sure it would be hard to sleep with traffic passing overhead.

Then he said, "I wonder what dreams they had as children. I mean it must be really sad to be homeless and know that they probably dreamed big when they were little."

Yes, son, that is quite sad.

I teared up...not so much because of broken dreams of the homeless...but because this young man has such a heart of compassion!

The song that is making it's way through my heart and mind today is Leeland and Brandon Heath: Follow You.

Leeland - Follow You with special guest Brandon Heath (official video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

I wish I had the pictures...

I wish I had taken pictures to capture our Valentine's Day weekend, but I didn't. I'll have to trust my words and memory to capture the love I've witnessed over the past few days:

Friday night was pretty quiet at our house. I must follow up my last post with the fact that LG did, in fact, receive a call from her Mother quite out of the blue. LG seemed glad to talk to her--although I am still amazed at just how distant she seems--more like talking to a long lost cousin than the woman who gave birth to her. Her Mother agreed to call LG back on Saturday at 10am.

Saturday we waited for the phone call. It didn't come until MUCH later in the day. Of course, there was a "logical explanation". And I'm GLAD she at least called with that because waiting at 10am and 10:30am and 11am was no picnic.

Anyway, we had the pleasure of watching LG's three younger siblings (ages 5, 4, and 3). Let me just say that if I ever had any doubts that I am "done being a Mommy to children in the preK age range"---they are gone! I love these kids...but I was worn out by the time they left! I love borrowing and sending them home. It was fun to see LG play with her siblings. They love each other SO MUCH. Even more, though, I loved watching my DS 4 interact with them. He entertained and treated them as if they also were a part of our family. It was so very sweet.

Saturday night, DH and I took DSs 3, 4 and LG to our Japanese Steak House for a Family Valentine's Dinner. LG had never seen them cook at your table. We had a great time! Again, my boys make me so proud how they help her enjoy each new experience. DS 3 really takes the cake here, though. He coached her through the entire meal. These two are kind of alike, so it's fun to watch them interact.

Sunday we went to church and then had our small group at the house. The kids and I also took in the movie "Tooth Fairy" (one I swore I'd NEVER see when I watched the preview) with DS 4's friend L and HER Mother. Yes, I think we just went on an 11-year-old "family date"! Just something else for me to investigate a bit more in the coming days/weeks.

In other news from my "out-of-town" Valentines: DS 1 went to Louisiana this weekend for Mardi Gras and an Ultimate Frisbee tournament. It sounds like it was quite cold and muddy. He reported that most of the players came back with some sort of injury....BUT I know he had a great time listening to some great jazz music in downtown New Orleans.

DS 2 ran a half marathon Sunday morning! It was his first. He finished in 1:54:54. He texted DS 3 and told him to start training cause he needs to do it too. That text was followed closely by, "And tell Mom she can do it too." OK whatever!

Now it's 1:45am on Monday morning of President's Day and I'm awake. I don't know why. I woke up thinking just how blessed I am. I love my family. I love my life. And I thank God for both!

Happy [belated] Valentines!

To and Through

Three times in a week recently, I saw this quote: "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." I understand it and to some degree, agree. But I also have to say that sometimes it's not "God bringing me TO" anything. In fact, it's me getting my own self into pickles that I simply should have avoided. Still, I know He loves me enough to help me out even when I get my own self in a mess. And the fact is, He is with me the entire time I'm choosing the wrong path or when I unknowingly veer off course. I may not come out unscarred or without bruises...but I'll come out. And that's a promise for us all!

I love that!

This morning I opened my eyes and I thought, "Wow, I am so abundantly and richly blessed! Thank you God!"

I am first and foremost thankful for His love that sustains me each and every day. Without my faith, I know I would be lost and lonely. I love the shirt someone described in church last week. It was a t-shirt that read "I'm the wretch" (or something like that). It was a reference to one of the best hymns ever" "Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound that saved a WRETCH like me." Yep, I'm one of the "wretches" that has experienced that amazing and marvelous grace.

Of course, right after my thanks to God I am thankful for my DH. Last night he pulled me aside and asked if I was OK. Then he proceeded to tell me that the boys informed LG that sometimes Mrs. Susan gets a little "crazy" just before a holiday...trying to make sure it's the way she wants it. (Glad they all know their wife/mother well.) Anyway, I cannot begin to tell you what this wonderful man does for me, and for us, each and every single day. He is a rock and I love him for it.

Each one of my kids are such blessings to me. I am so thankful that they are each on a unique journey and have really had no major growing-up issues that so many young people experience. They love learning. They love helping others. They love their family. I could not ask for any more.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone that once again reminded me just how blessed I am in regards to extended family! Our family has always been close. We enjoy being together. We enjoy laughing and having fun. I love that! It's hard for me to understand that this is not the "norm" for everyone. I realize it's special...but I sometimes forget just HOW special. I am thankful for each and every one of our extended family.

I could go on and on counting my blessings one by one. I won't though. There isn't time this morning. I have to get ready for this day of thanksgiving.

As I close, let me also assure each person who reads and/or comments on this blog--I am thankful for you as well. I never thought my blog would be such a blessing. It's amazing to know there is another "unseen" community of support out there. I am thankful for YOU too.

May you be richly blessed this Thanksgiving and always!!

It might be November, BUT...

I'm celebrating MOTHER'S DAY!

What a weekend I have had! It's been one that has taken my mind to that day in May when I remember just how proud and blessed I am to be a Mother.

Friday night my entire family (minus DS 1 who is away at school) went to the David Crowder* Band Concert. It was awesome! Although I didn't get a great pic of all of us there, you can see us there seated and ready for the music to start. While watching the kids interact, DH leaned over to me and said, "If you didn't know, you wouldn't know." He's right.

Saturday, LG and I went to an appointment for her in the morning and then to the Farmer's Market. It was as natural as could be for us to be walking downtown and enjoying the fresh fruits and veggies down there.

In the afternoon, DSs 2, 4, LG and I went to the aquarium to help DS 2 get some homework done for his Oceanography class. I loved it when LG thought the eel was saying her name. Here she is mimicking the eel's mouth movement "saying her name": Saturday night we had a wonderful dinner when DS 1 stopped over. It was the first time that we ate with all five kids at the table. For me, it was a very special moment watching the natural ebb and flow of family conversation over dinner.

This morning, we went to church and LG came out afterward and handed me a card she made for me during kids' church. I have to share it cause it absolutely speaks for itself (I covered her name in the second photo:


After church, DS 3, LG and I went to lunch and enjoyed some time together. They helped me run a couple of errands.

We closed out the weekend with an evening trip to a brand new park in town. Here is one of my favorite pictures of LG and DS 4 playing there:

.
We enjoyed ourselves. We enjoyed each other. The family thread was woven through each moment. For me, the Mother in our house, it was just perfect and, in the words of LG, filled with LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

From a Rut to a Rollercoaster...

To say life had fallen into a rut of sorts around the first of October would be an understatement. It wasn't a horrible "rut of no return". No. It was just one of those seasons when life seems to plod on day by day, week by week. And things stay pretty much the same.

Then, October 12th came.

That was the day I found out about LG needing a place to stay. It was the day that the counselor at my school "just happened" to ask if our foster care license was active.

October 12th was followed by the 13th.

That was the day that the rest of my family decided to open their arms to this sweet girl and become her "for now" family. It was also the day that we were told that there is the potential to be a "forever family" to her.

And the roller coaster ride began! At the end of this week, LG will have lived in our home for one month. A month that does not feel like 30 days. No. It feels like a lifetime. In fact, in many ways, I cannot really remember life without her.

My boys continue to amaze me at every twist and turn. They love this little girl--their sister! My DH is loving having a "princess" in the house. And I love watching the whole thing unfold.

I feel like a new parent in that this is what I most want to blog about. I suppose it is not that different than if I'd have just given birth. She's still new to us. And every day is a day of wonder. As I learn more about her, I also learn more about me.

In one month's time, she's blended in well at church, begun to learn more about her new "family", started gymnastics, and enrolled in the YMCA program. In one month's time we've learned to understand "girlie giggles" a little better, remember the importance of the family dinner table, make sure everyone has time to let down and breathe a bit in the day.

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches I could not be more thankful! My heart is bursting with love and joy and happiness for so many people and events.

I can hardly believe that a month ago I was feeling so "rutty"....Thinking back to the mundane rut, I can say with certainty that I much prefer the rollercoaster! As time marches on, I'm going to enjoy the ride!

"The System"

Ever since the early 90's when DH and I were foster parents the first time, I have been highly aware of "the system". There are procedures in place that are designed to protect children AND families who find themselves entangled within it. Yet, as it is with all systems, there are still flaws.

During the first few years of foster care, DH and I cared for Mallory, a toddler who had been severly malnourished, had never had anything solid, and had little motor control. Under our "watch", she began to eat solid foods--although she still choked at times--and she learned to walk.

In the Fall of 1992, the department had determined that they were ready to sever the parental rights of Mallory's parents. We were set to become the adoptive family for this precious little girl. In early November, just weeks before the paperwork was to be completed, a grandparent showed up out of what felt like nowhere!

In a matter of days, she completed a home study in North Carolina (her state of residence) and showed up in Florida to claim "her little girl"! To say we were reeling would be a significant understatement. We knew, though, that it is almost always the goal of the "system" to keep children within their blood families when it's possible to do so. Still, Mallory had never met this person and had no formal connections with her. There was limited background information and no social history completed.

We didn't feel right about it. I wasn't there when Grandma showed up to take our precious little girl away. DH had to meet her at a local Motel 6 to hand her over. It was there, in the place where they "leave the lights on for you" that the light seemed to go out for this child.

DH will tell you that he still remembers the look in our little girl's eyes as she was suddenly in the arms of a total stranger! Although it may be judgmental on my part, I still don't think Mallory was put in the best possible scenerio for her. In fact, we have no way of knowing what her life became. We only pray that she is a happy young lady today and that somehow she rose above what appeared to be her lot in life.

Today, the procedures seem a little bit "tighter", but we have still seen families lose children to out of state relatives in a blink of an eye with what I deem as low standards. We are realists. We have been there and know that this is still very much a possibility for any child who is a ward of the state.

So here we are, almost 20 years later involved in the same system. People have told me they don't know "how we can do it". They wonder "how you ever let them go". The truth is, it doesn't get any easier...but we have to trust that while a child is in care that we are making a difference in their life. We offer stability and nurture where there has been little or none. We offer love where love is often distorted or non-existent. Even if it's only for a moment in time.

As I watch LG sleep at night and I listen to her laugh and play as a little girl should during the day, I am certain that I don't know exactly what her future holds. Should the day come that she needs a forever family, I pray that we are able to fill that role. In the meantime, we take each day as it comes. We offer life, love, and laughter and stability in the moment.

And we pray that the system that is designed to protect this child works and is flawless this time!

Two Winners in the House...

Tonight DH and LG played Go Fish. She came in my room and announced, "I won! I beat my Dad in Go Fish! His little Princess beat him!"

And all I could think was, "You may have won the Go Fish game, but he also is pretty big winner tonight!"

A Surprise and Pumpkin Farm Fun

Yesterday I received a huge surprise at work. OK it wasn't JUST my surprise...it was for me and LG from my wonderful DH! He had to be out of town for a few days upon her arrival and so he's been calling her and talking with her each night to try and make those important connections. Well...yesterday he decided to connect with both of us by surprising us with this:

Isn't he wonderful?? I know we were both beaming when we received this beautiful gift. She carried it so carefully to the car and we put it on the piano when we got home so that we could see it often.

Last night, DS 1 came home to meet LG. She loved meeting him and getting to know yet another person in our family. As I said before she comes from a rather large and very interconnected family. Her knowledge of her family tree absolutely astounds me. I am fairly confident she'll have our family tree down in no time!

She has connected with all the boys quite well. They have played frisbee with her, helped her with coloring, and watched TV with her. I think she enjoys the positive attention and they like doting on a little girl!

Today, DS 4, LG and I headed off to our local Pumpkin festival. We had a ball even though it was SO DARN HOT!

I love some of our pics from the festival! They enjoyed riding the ponies, painting pumpkins, looking at the baby animals and riding on the hayride. We'll have to go back later this week to get our big pumpkin. It was so hot when we were leaving that I didn't even want to head into the tent where they were. We'll go in the evening.

Last night we had a small group gathering at our house for church. It was fun for all of them to meet LG for the first time. She enjoyed being a hostess and helping prepare the food. She talked with people and made sure to hug them all as they left.

Tomorrow we will be "reverse trick or treating" here in our neighborhood and in two other neighborhoods in town. This is when we go door to door and hand neighbors bags of candy to use for Halloween. It's a great activity that catches people off guard and extends a surprising act of kindness all at the same time.

All's well here in our world. In so many ways it's almost as if it's always been. I love that.

Our Little Girl (LG)

If you read my last post, then you know the changes that have occurred in our house this past week! It has been a flurry of activity in a home that has so many flurries already! But it's been great!

We completed our home study last week and were asked to attend a staffing for LG on Tuesday. There were no less than 20 people at the staffing! Many were there representing one child or another...but still all had history with this case. Incredible! While there they named each child, discussed his/her placement and future goals for each one.

When we discussed LG, they mentioned that DH and I had stepped forward for LG. I have to tell you how wonderful it was to get the affirmation from people who have been working with her and her family for a long time! At the end of that meeting, they decided to let LG transition herself to our home. She would come to visit then we could "move slowly" so as to make it a bit easier on her.

On Wednesday, I brought her to my room at school for breakfast and she told me that she knew we wanted to take her to our house. I explained that she would come for a visit and only stay when SHE decided to do it. Until that time she could sleep at her Uncle/Aunt's house.

She came. Each boy and DH treated her like a PRINCESS! They sang Hannah Montana songs with her! They helped her with make your own taco night. They talked and smiled and laughed with her. She loved it.

While on our way home later that evening, she said, "When can I come back to your house?" I said, "Whenever you would like to." She said, "How about tomorrow?" I asked her if this was a visit or if she wanted to stay. She replied: "I think I'll come back tomorrow like I did today. Then, on Friday, I'll just come to stay!"

As of the writing of this post, LG is sleeping in HER room in HER bed! She decided to stay last night--one night earlier than her original plan. We went and gathered her things and she's here now.

Of course, I cannot go into the history of this case in a public location, but suffice it to say she still has many hurdles to overcome. I cannot tell you though just how "right" it feels! She fits well. She's happy. Last night she told me she feels "safe". There is no better, or more necessary, feeling than that one if she is to make the road to healing successfully.

I promise I'll get around to more regular blogging again! The whirlwind has left me a bit flustered! Thank you all for your prayers. We are doing great and excited to make this journey with LG.

Book Review: Shelter Me

(Note: For those of you who choose to read Christian fiction, this book is a secular fiction book.)

I picked "shelter me" by Juliette Fay up while browsing for some light "end-of-summer" reading a few weeks ago. I think the cover is what first attracted me. It just screamed "warmth" and "read me" right at me! When I read the back cover blurb, I was further attracted by these words:
Four months after her husband's death, Janie LaMarche remains undone by grief and anger. Her mourning is disrupted, however, by the unexpected arrival of a builder with a contract to add a porch onto her house. Stunned, Janie realizes the porch was meant to be a surprise from her husband—now his last gift to her. ... As the porch takes shape, Janie discovers that the unknowable terrain of the future is best navigated with the help of others—even those we least expect to call on, much less learn to love.

The entire story is woven around this porch being built right in the middle of Janie's struggle to put her life back together. It is a beautiful story with raw emotion woven throughout. Janie seems to go through the steps that most grieving people do. She is at times angry and other times completely down. But she continues to try to make her way back to some sense of normalcy for herself and her children.

Little does she know that the porch, and the porch builder, are going to be so pivotal to her restoration. She also receives help from some other unlikely places: her priest befriends her and helps her start to get in touch with her response to her circumstances, her busy-body Aunt Jude forces her to come work in a homeless shelter/soup kitchen and Janie finds herself receiving when she's giving to these needy people, and the person that drove the car that hit her husband also contributes to Janie's road to healing.

At one point, she ends up alone with Tug (the porch builder) and she's quite miffed that her family was part of the plot to send them out alone after Thanksgiving dinner. I love the way the author describes the moment they leave the family gathering:

Out on Route 27, Tug inhaled and heaved a great sigh. The sound of his relief pulled her out of herself and away from stewing about the humiliation she'd suffered. Or might have suffered. Maybe. "Anger is so easy," she realized. "It's being scared that's hard." And if she were to heave her own great big sigh of relief, she knew it would be fear she exhaled, not rage.

Another picture I love is when Janie finds herself talking with Malcolm, a homeless man from the shelter. He is withdrawn and despondent one day and Janie goes to speak with him. She finds out that he has lost his sister. Here's a snippet of their exchange:

"Oh Malcolm," said Janie. "I am so sorry."
He handed her the cigarette and she took another puff. "Yeah," he said, "All's I keep thinking is, 'Now what?' Isn't that stupidest thing? I can't figure out what to do next. Like there is something, but I just don't know what."

Janie nodded. She stared out across the parking lot. He smelled like booze and pee and smoke and the most incredibly rancid body odor. But she didn't even care. "Now what?" she thought. "What other question is there?"

Janie's character is real and raw. The author captures this emotion again and again throughout the story. Janie is also forced to deal with the concept of forgiveness. While journaling one night she notes:

The more I think about it....the more I'm not even sure I really know what forgiveness is. Is it some big cosmic do-over? Like no harm, no foul? But there was harm--big hairy, serious harm. Robby doesn't get a do-over, and neither do I or the kids. Things are broken now that can't be fixed. How come the other guy gets a Get Out of Jail Free card?

As I said, this book primarily shows a very human response to a horrible tragedy. While there are snippets of faith throughout the book, it's not central. Janie has quite the language sometimes. The love story also gets somewhat graphic at points--but no more so than a PG-13 movie might. I kind of like that.

Of course, the faith side of me is saddened that this element is mostly missing from Janie's life. Hers is more an obligatory attendance at her family's Catholic church. But that's real life for so many people.

I like the fact that Fay is able to tell a story that is warm and inviting and emotion-packed without going too far or too explicity for my reading enjoyment. I appreciate the way she seems to use the character to figure out her own thoughts and beliefs on love, justice, mercy, and forgiveness. I found the book enjoyable and one I'd pass along.

Another Time and Another Place

It's 7:58am on my clock. I've been up for about 30 minutes. Although I know where I am and what time it is, my head is in another time and another place.

Twenty-two years apart from this time and place.

It was 22 years ago today that my DH and I said "I do." It was 22 years ago that we vowed to love each other forever and always. It was 22 years ago that my life changed forever.

I was thinking earlier this year, that DH and I have been together now longer than I lived without him if you count our friendship/dating years. That's a weird tipping point in life, in my opinion.

Many people thought we would not make it and should not get married. The counselor that did our premarital told us politely: "I've never seen two more opposite people want to get married. It won't always be easy for you." And he was right.

You know, though, I wonder what marriage is "easy" all the time. Not one that I know. It's work. It's a commitment. It's a choice.

And it's worth it!

After 22 years I can honestly say I know we did the right thing. We balance each other. We have each learned to live with those things that are so polar opposite. We have grown together. We have accomplished much together. It has been a blessing beyond what I could have ever imagined.

While I'm reflecting and thinking back today...I'm looking forward to the NEXT 22 years with this man that I know God planned for me!

Happy Anniversary, hon, I LOVE YOU!

He's 21 Today!

My DS 1 is 21 today!  He's away finishing up his AIT for the Army.  I have to admit that having him in the service makes me view Memorial Day a bit differently.  In many ways, today I celebrate him for two reasons.  First and foremost because he's my son.  And second because he's chosen to serve our country through military service.  

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was in the doctor's office on the 25th of May in KY hearing the news, "It's going to be at least two more weeks."  Two more weeks?  I had already been on "bed rest" for four weeks due to preterm labor!  I was going stir crazy!  Tears came easily as DH and I left that visit.  

We went to lunch at Ruby Tuesday's where I had a mushroom burger.  Leaving lunch, I could barely walk my back suddenly hurt SO bad!  We headed back over to the doctor's office where the nurse told us, "You need to get to the hospital.  You're in labor!"  What???  

Just a few hours later we were able to hold our firstborn son in our arms.  I can remember nothing as sweet as knowing that he was ours.  I remember staring with wonder at the miracle of his birth.  

Now, 21 years later, I am still amazed at just how their life's journey goes.  It twists.  It turns. Some parts aren't so pretty.  But still, we can marvel at just what a miracle life is and how every twist and turn defines the man he is becoming.  

I couldn't be more proud of him or his accomplishments.  Happy birthday, son!  I love you!

Mall Blitz Part 2 and Spring Break

The Mall Blitz that I blogged about below did not end on Sunday. My DH called the mall manager yesterday and explained to her what we were trying to do with our kindness outreach. She thought it was so cool. She did explain to DH that they do not allow solicitation from store to store, but that what we were doing was fine.

So, tonight, three of us headed to the mall to deliver the other 151 bags. It was even neater than the initial day. Store managers were blown away that we even made the attempt to come back and finish what we started. The head of security (who we did NOT meet on Sunday) came and met me. He even said, "Make sure you deliver the biggest bag to Leon" (his name). So, guess who's getting bags TOMORROW??? Yep, you guessed it! Security!!

This is our Spring Break, so I'm enjoying some free time this week. We went to Chris Tomlin's concert last Friday. My colleagues and I enjoyed a brunch with a person who used to teach at my school on Monday. DS 2 and DS 3 played a "bowling game" on the radio station today and will be bowling with the guys from Jars of Clay on Thursday. There may be a Disney Day in here.

BUT the biggest part of the week for me is happening on Friday/Saturday. I am going to be meeting up with my three BEST friends and roommates from college. We were all in each other's weddings. We were absolutely best of friends in college. We have seen each other sporadically over the years...but we have not, the four of us, been together in the same room for more than 18 years! I am SO EXCITED!!

Stay posted. It may be a couple of days, but there's more to come!

A TRUE Lesson in Kindness

If you've read this blog for any time at all, then you know that our church does many many outreach types of projects in our community. It's our goal to conduct "random acts of kindness" in a variety of ways on a regular basis for people of all socio-economic backgrounds.

Back in December, we conducted our first "Mall Blitz" where we literally went into the mall and gave 450 employees a gift bag of snacks and goodies to say "thank you" for all the work they do..especially during the busy shopping season.

Today was to be our second Mall Blitz. We called all the store managers for permission just like we did back in December. These made for some fabulous conversations as many were the same employees that received our gift at Christmas. Some said, "Wow, we really appreciate this! No one EVER does anything nice for us!" Others said, "We are so glad you're coming back...we really want to thank you for showing such a special kindness to our employees. It meant a lot to all of us."

Today, as part of our service, we made 486 bags and sent five teams of five down to the mall for distribution.

It wasn't long after we got there, that a parking lot security guard stopped and asked us what we were doing. We told him. He said, "You cannot bring those bags in here. You have to have permission of the mall manager." We explained that we have the permission of the store managers and that we were simply repeating the SAME THING we did at Christmas. He basically didn't care.

We asked if a store manager wanted to bring in treat bags for their own employees, would it be OK. He wasn't happy, but didn't say no. SO, we sat almost 200 bags just outside the door of the mall and began going in and explaining to the store managers. They were very surprised. They thought it was quite silly. Many followed us to the bags and took them into the mall for their own employees.

Suddenly, Mr. Security guard showed up with "back up" (3 more security guards) and told us we could not distribute one more bag at the mall. He told a store manager that she could not take these bags in for her OWN employees. And he let us know that if we did not take the bags away that he would have to call the police.

Of course, we complied and took the mall manager's name and phone number as well as his so that we can, in fact, follow the protocol in the future. We visited every single store that didn't receive their gift to explain that we were not allowed to deliver them or to have the store managers get them.

I now have 151 bags at my house. This means that we were able to distribute the majority of the bags before our "kindness operation" was shut down---or, hopefully, put on hold, pending the mall manager's approval.

Our team stayed to have lunch together in the food court. It was an enjoyable time of fellowship together. We talked about future projects. We laughed and had a great time.


If I'm being honest, though, I really was quite miffed at the whole thing. I mean, picture it--bags filled with snack items for employees---really within their grasp, but we can't give them what we promised. Then, I had another thought...it's EASY to be, do, and give kindness to those who welcome your actions. It's a whole other story to be kind to someone who is standing in your way, being difficult, or doesn't see a situation the same way that you do.

I whispered a prayer for the security guards and the mall employees. I thanked God for our fabulous team that remained positive and steady through the whole ordeal. And I prayed that tomorrow things will work out with the mall manager.

And I prayed that when the opportunity to practice kindness when someone isn't being so kind, that we will all be able to do so. Cause THAT'S what "Jesus would do."

A Masterpiece

I know several people who are currently expecting babies. Each time I see a young mother, I am reminded of my own pregnancies and the births of my boys. I remember details about each of them and recall the events with joy. While they were in my womb, I was constantly amazed at the little life that was growing inside. But, boy, when they were born, all I could think is "WHAT A MIRACLE!" There is no question that as I examined tiny fingers and toes, that we had a true masterpiece.

It's easy to think about the miracle of our own children. But I wonder, is it harder to think about the miracle that we were to someone else? Is it harder to imagine that just like I believe that God created four beautiful human beings for my DH and I to love and raise, that the same was true for ME? And YOU, too?? Every human being is a masterpiece.

The next verses in Psalm 139 make it very clear that God has his hand on each and every little person that is created:

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my
mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was
not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven
together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed
body. All the days ordained for me were written in your
book before one of them came to be.

Here's the deal: God knows us intimately. He made us. And, while I think most of us "could" accept that, I'm not sure we REALLY handle verse 14 as well. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

When I read this, I am led to ask: "Do I really praise God because I am God's handiwork?" I think many people have trouble really saying, "Yeah...every nook...every cranny was created by God. Nothing was hidden from him." AND, in verse 16, the Psalmist reminds us that he ordains our days and he knew what each day would bring before "one of them came to be".

Are you getting it? He KNEW us before he made us. He MADE us. We are HIS handiwork. He KNOWS exactly everything about us. Rather than ask ourselves if he really means us....we should give him praise for we are fearfully and wonderfully made! Do you know it fully?

Hey you...reading this and thinking, "Yeah but I've done _____________ or said ___________." STOP! You ARE a masterpiece made by the hand of God too! There's no where you can go and nothing you can do to keep him from loving you right where you are and who you are today.

That, my friends, is simply AMAZING!

The LIGHT that is in Psalm 139

The next part of this Psalm made me think of the little children's song, "This Little Light of Mine":

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night
around me," 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night
will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

In the second verse of "This Little Light of Mine" we sing, "Hide it under a bushel, NO! I'm gonna' let it shine." Then we sing, "Won't let Satan blow it out...I'm gonna' let it shine." I know this is based on the words of Jesus when he talks about our light and the city on a hill and such.

Jesus is the light of the world. Sometimes we try to hide in the darkness. We make decisions that are against our beliefs and we seek out sin. I know there are times when it'd just be "easier" to throw caution to the wind and forget my relationship with Jesus and let the "light become night around me."

That's where this Psalm hits me between the eyes. You see, when I want to "turn out the light" and hide in the darkness...God is even there. He doesn't see the darkness. Because the darkness is as light to him.

Isn't it amazing that God can see right through our "stuff" right down to the person HE created and loves? He sees our LIGHT and our potential and a different person than we see when we look in a mirror.

I am sure there are scholars out there that would disagree with my interpretation. But that's what it means to me this week. And I'm clinging to it. If you're like me...it's time to shed any darkness left and step into His amazing light...cause that's what He sees anyway!