Yesterday I got a radio call at work..."Mrs. N, can you go to the cafeteria and meet Mrs. C over an issue?" I answered "OK" and went over there. Now, it is not my job to handle behavior at our school...however I occasionally get called when everyone else is busy. Yesterday was a very busy day.
I walked into the cafeteria and Mrs. C was almost visibly shaking when she asked, "Are you here for me?" I told her "yes" as I glanced down at the discipline referral in her hand and listened to her tell me what happened. The child, Paula (not her real name), was a student that I had in my intensive reading class in third grade. She has been retained twice and therefore SHOULD be in the 7th grade this year. But she's stuck in 5th.
Anyway, she had trouble when they were lining up for lunch. Apparently, she got out of line to get something and when she moved back in...a boy thought she was pushing her way in. Words were exchanged...a push here...a shove there...and Paula dug her nails into his arm while standing her ground. Now, I am NOT saying what she did was OK.
When I took her out of the cafeteria, she had her head held low and tears in her eyes. THIS was the Paula that I know and love. She has always been like this...ever since she was in Kindergarten. I remember hearing her teacher say her name over and over again, "Paula do this...." "Paula do that...." "Paula put your hands down..." "No, Paula!" She always makes these rash decisions then shows great (and very real) remorse.
By the time I had her in third grade, she settled down some. She was frustrated, however, because she was doing third grade for the third time (stupid Florida law). But she really excelled in my class. She rose above it and passed the "test"...she gained self esteem and confidence beyond what I had seen before. She grew. She was less physical and more focused most of the time.
Back to yesterday: As we sat down outside to talk, she looked at me and said, "You know me, Mrs. N., I am a "fast acter" and when I get mad, I'm gonna' be physical. Plus that he pushed and pinched me!" I said, "Yes, I know that...but everytime you make that response, you always feel sorry when it is over, right?" She said, "I know, I know, I need to think before I act." I said, "exactly". I told her how I even sometimes make those decisions that I wish I didn't...you know, the words you wish you could take back?
Now, I know that Mrs. C. wanted her to go straight to detention. But, in my opinion, grace is not just for churches. It is only the 7th day of school. She deserved to say her piece. She deserved to be heard. She also showed remorse...and character... as she admitted her fault in this whole thing. She talked with the boy (with me present) and I think all is well between them.
Plus that, I can't imagine being in a fifth grade class with a bunch of kids who are supposed to be in seventh and lining up in a very small space....It must be hard. It's not just bodies, it's also hormones. I'm sure this is not the last bad decision she'll make this year. I just hope that being heard, and knowing that there is an adult that cares for her and her decisions, will help her stop being "fast acting" and to "think before she acts".
It's really a lesson we all could use occasionally.
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