Love Thy Neighbor...

I believe I have talked about neighbors and the neighborhood where I live before on my blog (although I'm too lazy right now to "dig it out"). By way of bringing all readers up to speed on this post let me say the following:

• I have lived in my neighborhood for eight years. We moved here after living in a house set apart from neighborhoods for a long time.
• I dreamed of living in a true neighborhood for a long time before I moved here. I pictured being able to borrow sugar, kids playing back and forth, you know the "stereotypical Leave it to Beaver" kind of place.
• My expectation of what a true neighborhood was were quickly shattered as we experienced some of the negative things about living in a neighborhood.
• These "negative" things included: letters from our Home Owners Assoc. telling us that our mulch was coming out of the mulch bed (during rainy season), our satellite dish (which we didn't have) was visible from the road, and the trash cans weren't put away in a "timely" manner one time.
• In addition to this "stuff"...I had a couple of neighbors who got very nasty when two of my (then pre-teens) were having "issues" with their children--typical "kid stuff" really. I am of the belief that if they are not hurting each other or endangering each other, that kids need to learn to work stuff out. And usually, they are back playing together within 24 hours. Not in my neighborhood. The Mothers tended to get involved and then tell all the other Mothers what they thought.

I'm sad to admit, that as a result of these experiences, I felt "shunned". I retreated. I speak to my neighbors when they speak to me--it's limited at best. I wave when I deem it appropriate. For the most part, though, I really have no relationship with anyone in my neighborhood. I always find myself wondering what they are thinking. Sometimes I drive into our subdivision with my eyes on the road, don't look left or right, and go right into my house so I don't have to wonder who's thinking what. This breaks my heart.

Upon reflection, probably six years too late, I realize that IF there are people who stood (or for that matter, stand) in judgment of me or my family then they could most likely be counted on one hand. I know that I made some sweeping generalizations and behavioral decisions because of being hurt by the words of a few.

I decided in my head---based on approximately 4 incidents that:

• No one wanted to get to know us.
• We were probably "dinner table fodder" (of course, this would indicate that people are actually sitting at their tables)
• I was pretty sure they were saying things like "Well don't play with THOSE kids"....and "You know THAT Mom!"
• I was certain that "they" continued to watch and judge us.

So I created my "neighborhood" outside the physical boundaries of where I live. My boys still have friends in this neighborhood. And I DO know their parents, though it's mostly as an acquaintance. I found my friends at work, church, and via community events. It was "safer" this way.

I've been praying for the last six months for this to change, though. I asked God to help me get rid of my perception. I am pretty certain that it's quite distorted. Since I have made this my prayer, a couple of little things have happened that tell me He is answering:

• The lady who was the most vocal about my kids in the past put her house up for sale. I've learned just how unhappy her household is as she is going through a horrible divorce and some other stuff. I was sad for her...I realized, once again that people who point fingers at others are often those who have their own issues they'd rather not disclose.
• The lady who is my next door neighbor (and a close friend of the other one) ended up at a party that I attended a few months back. While we are not making "lunch dates", she at least started speaking to me again...and I felt it opened a door for me to speak as well.

And just this week a very neat thing happened. New neighbors moved in two doors down. My youngest son noticed they have boys about his age. Kids are really magnets for one another. They introduced themselves and became fast friends. I introduced myself to the Mother and welcomed her to the neighborhood (she has three boys). We have some common acquaintances...and I enjoyed speaking with her.

Last night, we exchanged phone numbers. Today I watched one of her boys all day while she went to wrap up things on her old house. It felt good.

Tonight, while I was outside watching the boys transfer from my house over to hers, a car pulled up with a Dad and Mom and two boys inside. The Dad said, "Your son {DS 4} has been playing at our house today." I waited on the "shoe to drop"...and I hesitantly asked, "Was he behaving?" They smiled and said, "Oh yes, we just wanted to make sure you knew who we were and get to know the faces of our kids' playmates!"

I breathed a sigh of relief inside and happily continued the introduction conversation. Then, I whispered a prayer of thanks to God. I am certain that He will continue to teach ME and help me be comfortable where I live and that I can get to know my neighbors. After all, I'm pretty sure that HE designed it that way, right?