It's True...

Last night I posted this as my Facebook status:

"I can see the hoop.  I just don't feel like jumping right now."

Yesterday I realized just how MANY hoops I jump through daily.  Heck we ALL do it. There is nothing inherently special about my life or my hoops that make it all that different than the next person's.  And most of the time what is required are just "fact-of-life" type jumps that we do because we know it's the right thing.

I have to say that I am facing some hoops that I know I have no choice but to go through.  I know that I have to jump and complete each task that the individual hoop requires.  But there's one problem.  I don't feel like jumping.  I've even made a running start a couple of times only to come up empty and unable to press on through.

I need a little motivation, chutzpah, and strength and I'll be fine.  But for now, I think I'll just stand for a few more moments and refuse to jump!

Becoming a Mountainclimber

I LOVE the MOUNTAINS! I always have. When I was a little girl, I used to dream of one day living on Walton's mountain. When I am surrounded by them, I find that I am more calm. Relaxed. Settled. Except when they are "life mountains".

We all have them. Some are large and others are smaller and more "foothill-like". Life mountains are those problems and situations that arise that seem huge and at times, insurmountable. This morning it occurred to me that as much as I LOVE the physical mountains, there are times I long for only a flat ground of faith upon which to walk. Then the question came to me, "How much faith does that take?" The truth is, the answer is a weak, "Not much!"

"If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)

While it's nice to think that they all would just move out of the way with the exercise of a little faith, they don't always. Instead, step-by-step and inch-by-inch, we have to climb them. Conquer them!

I'm at the base of a mountain. I cannot see the climb, the peak, or the other side. But I am sure that there are blessings on it.

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my DS 3 when he was only 4 years old and preparing to go to Kindergarten. With tears in his eyes, he said he didn't want to go to Kindergarten. I asked why. His answer shocked me, "Because I might have to go to fifth grade!" What!?! Fifth grade??? What did THAT have to do with going to Kindergarten? He soon told me, "You have to get shots when you go to fifth grade!" He was looking at the entire mountain and figured if he never took the first step, he wouldn't have to take the 101st step.

We all do it. We all stare up at our life mountains at times and cry out to God, "I don't WANT to go!" But he gently nudges us to take the first step...and the next...and the next and the next. Because he's there the whole time.

Today I'm choosing to climb the mountain WITH faith! Here are the promises I am taking with me on my journey:

Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.

2 Corinthians 4:8
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.

Psalm 138:7
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Some System Thoughts

Most of you know that our LG is in foster care. She came to our home in October and we have had our share of learning and experiences since that time. I believe that the system that tries so hard to protect children and provide safe, viable homes for them also occasionally fails them. I also believe that it's changed so much over the years--mostly for the better. Some things are simply archaic though. We are having to relearn much of it as we update our license.

DH and I were licensed earlier in our marriage in another town. We had several children come through our home during that time. We took a ten-week course to be able to take in children. The classes teach you specifically about the process and how it works. Of course, the best teacher is still the day-to-day experiences that you get dealing with the real situations. But it's an important foundation for people who will be interacting with a very complex system.

Here we are 15 years later having to take the class again. There is no renewal class. No way to update your license with a shortened, or refresher, course. Nope. We have to take the whole kit and kaboodle again! So, every Tuesday night, DH and I head off to our ten week (3 hour per night) course to be recertified. When you figure in driving time, we are gone for almost five hours each week. So far, the course has been primarily lecture...and not very stimulating lecture at that. I am TRYING to be a good student, but most weeks it's just not easy. I agree that it's nice to have time for just DH and I to visit....but this is not the circumstances that I would choose.

Every week, we have three to four hours of visits with people working LG's case. Every other week we see people from her family--which can be another 3 - 4 hours of visits. Throw in the extracurricular classes and opportunities we are trying to provide for her and there's another 2 - 3 hours of activity just for her. Add our five hours on Tuesday nights. It's easy to see that much of our time is getting filled by the "system".

Still, it's all for LG and she's worth it whether it's her time here is temporal or for a lifetime.

Lessons learned while pedaling...

Though it's quite a distant shot, DS 3 and LG are pedaling down our street in this picture. I am pedaling behind them...and shooting the photo (which is a pretty good feat if I do say so myself). Unseen in this photo is DS 4 who was also along for the ride.

We have been working with LG to learn bike riding. DH has run along side her. DS 3 has held her up and taught her balance once she gets started. DS 4 shouts encouragement to her as she makes her attempts to do it all by herself.

Yesterday, we took off to ride around the neighborhood. LG is pretty good once she gets going, but she requires someone to hold the bike steady and give her the starting push to begin.

I started her off yesterday and the three of us followed along. She rode pretty far then hit a stopping point. She didn't fall, but getting started was a chore. We wanted her to learn to do it herself. So we coached from the side while she worked on it. After a few long minutes, she did it! All by herself!

As you would expect from an unsteady rider, there were other stops and starts. And she had a couple of moments of sheer frustration. At one point she announced that she would be "walking her bike back to the house!" I told her "No, you are going to do it. Just take your time and look forward!" She held her hands up and showed me that they were red. I determined that she must have an absolute death grip on the handles! Still, the boys and I reminded her to stop looking at the pedals, loosen the grip and look forward. And gently we nudged her back up on the bike.

Every time I spoke the words, they resonated with me. "Loosen the grip and look forward." I thought, "That's exactly right!" When we are in the midst of a trial. When we can't focus. When we feel whiny and cranky and tired and would rather take an alternate route...perhaps we just need to loosen the grip and look forward.

Soon, LG was able to finish the ride. She rode home a little tired. She was a little sweaty. But she was triumphant. She rode farther than she ever had. She rode alone longer than she ever had. SHE. DID. IT!

The bike ride was refreshing. I enjoyed spending time with the kids. I can't wait until she's even more confident and we can try out some of the bike trails that are around here. But the most important thing that happened for me wasn't the memory making...it was the life lesson that was waiting to gently nudge me home!

From a Rut to a Rollercoaster...

To say life had fallen into a rut of sorts around the first of October would be an understatement. It wasn't a horrible "rut of no return". No. It was just one of those seasons when life seems to plod on day by day, week by week. And things stay pretty much the same.

Then, October 12th came.

That was the day I found out about LG needing a place to stay. It was the day that the counselor at my school "just happened" to ask if our foster care license was active.

October 12th was followed by the 13th.

That was the day that the rest of my family decided to open their arms to this sweet girl and become her "for now" family. It was also the day that we were told that there is the potential to be a "forever family" to her.

And the roller coaster ride began! At the end of this week, LG will have lived in our home for one month. A month that does not feel like 30 days. No. It feels like a lifetime. In fact, in many ways, I cannot really remember life without her.

My boys continue to amaze me at every twist and turn. They love this little girl--their sister! My DH is loving having a "princess" in the house. And I love watching the whole thing unfold.

I feel like a new parent in that this is what I most want to blog about. I suppose it is not that different than if I'd have just given birth. She's still new to us. And every day is a day of wonder. As I learn more about her, I also learn more about me.

In one month's time, she's blended in well at church, begun to learn more about her new "family", started gymnastics, and enrolled in the YMCA program. In one month's time we've learned to understand "girlie giggles" a little better, remember the importance of the family dinner table, make sure everyone has time to let down and breathe a bit in the day.

As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches I could not be more thankful! My heart is bursting with love and joy and happiness for so many people and events.

I can hardly believe that a month ago I was feeling so "rutty"....Thinking back to the mundane rut, I can say with certainty that I much prefer the rollercoaster! As time marches on, I'm going to enjoy the ride!

Three Tragedies in a Week

If I were to take a more positive tone with this title, I would probably name it "Life is Precious". Every once in a while events happen that make you think just how fragile life on earth really is. This has been one of those weeks for me.

On Tuesday we learned that a co-worker's husband had suddenly passed away during a hospital procedure. He wasn't sick. He had some swelling over the weekend and was in the hospital to be checked out. It was quick and completely unexpected.

Yesterday we received an update on another colleague that has been out for a few weeks now. Initially we heard that she was going to have "back surgery". Then we heard things were "not good". Now we found out that she is in stage 4 cancer and has been moved into a Hospice house.

Then last night I came home to learn more about the Ft. Hood massacre.

Life is precious. When I reflect on these lives, the two I know/knew and those I don't, I immediately think about faith. I only know these people on an acquaintance/collegial level. I really know nothing at all about what's inside. I don't know what they believe or don't believe.

I am certain that my faith is what would sustain me through a difficult time such as this. And I know that God cares for those who have lost a husband, father, grandfather. He also cares deeply for those who are in the final stages of life. And He loves each person that witnessed, was injured, and/or died in the horrible tragedy on an army base yesterday.

My prayer is that somehow, in these days of change, that He will be revealed to each of these people in some tangible way. And, my prayer also is that if I can somehow reach out and share that love, that I will. Because one thing is for sure, a missed opportunity could only add to the tragedies!

My Weekend Window

What a busy weekend! Actually, it was relatively mild as our weekends normally go, but I thought I'd fill you in just the same.

Friday, DS 2 went to the U2 concert then up to Orlando to stay with his friend Matt. He called us at 11 after the concert to tell us that his phone had died and that he would text as soon as he got to his friend's house. Well, I woke up around 12:45am and started my "Mother worry".

I texted his brother, my DS 1, and asked if he was awake. He said "yes". I asked him to text DS 2's friend Matt and tell him to have my DS 2 text BOTH his Dad's phone and mine. DS 1 said, "OK". (Keep this little tidbit in mind.) And not 20 minutes later, DS 2 texted and said that he had arrived safely. I went back to sleep.

Saturday morning I took my FIL to Ikea. We went to find furniture for their family room. Let me just say that almost any trip with him is an adventure. We had fun. Found furniture. I told him that my DS 1 rode the cart through the warehouse section. Not to be outdone by a 20-something, HE had fun riding the cart (like a skateboard) up and down the warehouse aisles! I have a picture, but don't know how to transfer it from my phone to my blog.

Not long after I got home from that trip, DSs 3 and 4 and I headed out to see Brandon Heath, Leeland, and Franceska Battistelli in the Follow You tour. I'm pretty sure anyone who listens to Christian music knows of Brandon Heath (Give Me Your Eyes) or Francesca Battistelli (Free to Be Me) who are BOTH wonderful....but you may not know about Leeland.

These guys are simply amazing! My boys "discovered" them several years ago at a Youth Weekend where they led worship everyday for a week. Soon after that, we bought their first CD and LOVED it! My favorite song so far of theirs is "Yes You Have"--although there's one on the new album called "Via Dolorosa" that is simply amazing.. There's no video to really watch here, but you can listen to "Yes You Have" a fabulous worship song here:


And I can't put that song in without also giving you the powerful lyrics:

Every tree and every stone Every rushing wind that moans They sing Your praise My God, they sing Your praise Every star and open sky Tell of Your glory divine They shout Your praise They shout Your praise, yeah

You've stolen my heart Yes, You have! You've stolen my heart Yes, You have! You've wiped away the stains And broke away the chains Yes, You have!!

With Your love You set me free Three nails gave me liberty So I'll sing Your praise My God, I'll sing Your praise Oh, with Your love You forgave my sin Forgot my past And brought me back again So I'll sing Your praise I'll sing Your praise, yeah

If I ascend into the sky Or hide behind the night I can not run Your love is chasing me If I fall into the sea
Your hand will rescue me No one will take Your place Because This is all for You
Yes, this is all for You You're the King of the world You're the King of the world

Leeland really has a heart and a passion for faith that well-surpasses his age. The worship was amazing...The story of Leeland and Brandon Heath going into Cambodia through an organization called "Feed the People" was touching. Here is a short video of their trip and the song that is the theme of their tour:



Anyway, we had FRONT ROW SEATS! So fun! DS 2 came and met us there. This is where I found out just how strange my texting with DS 1 must have been. It turns out that DS 1 was AT Matt's house waiting for his brother! So, I don't think he had to text AT ALL to ask Matt to have DS 2 text my phone. I called him on it and he really didn't see any reason I needed to know they were sitting only feet from each other. And I guess I don't "need" to know...but I think I "want" to know those types of things. Perhaps this is part of my nest becoming more empty!

Yesterday, was relatively quiet for us. Just a lazy sort of Sunday. I needed that to prepare myself for this week. I've hit the ground running today already and I don't know if it will stop until next Saturday.

So, that's it from my neck of the woods! Hope you're all off to a great week.