Grandpa Speaks Out

The following entry is my FIL's comment regarding my post from last week regarding his vying for Grandfather of the Year. I thought you'd enjoy. I'll pop back later cause there's a BIG post rolling around my head. I just don't have time for it now...for now...enjoy Grandpa's Perspective:

Dear All,

As the Grandpa mentioned in this blog post, I feel I should "clarify" a point or two.

First, I do not spoil my 8 grands. However, I do tend to encourage them, share time with them, and -- on ocassion -- spend a lot of money on them. All of that is part of the "Divinely Ordained Grandparent Code" and I cannot risk losing my membership in that stately and august organization!

Second, my all night assistance consisted of preparing Chai tea (times 3), reading and making suggestions for edits in their papers, nuking Grandma's Chicken-ala-Queen for Two (at 2:00 a.m.), working on citations and footnotes, somewhat gently letting them know they shouldn't have waited so long to do their papers, and showing them that I was working them under the table!

Third, the Chicken-ala-Queen for two came after Mama's Pizza (a local legend) for a late afternoon snack, and dinner consisting of cichken stuffed shells, chicken & dumplings, ravioli, honey crunch chicken, and chicken sausage. All of this from Grandma's Kitchen. (Observation: Grandson 2 and K resemble a rather large hoard of locusts!)

Fourth, I wore long underwear with Christmas boxers over them; and I also wore a tank top shirt. I didn't want you to think I wore the shorts as my top. I know how to dress better than that! :)

Fifth, I had to wear that outfit as the only (ONLY) Master Christmas Yoga Instructor in Our Town. And, as I was going to enter into my famous SOMH position, I had to have the audience help me concentrate by repeating "ooommm" "ooommmm". [BTW -- what does SOMH mean? Answer later.]

Sixth, I do not understand Susan's reference to "Letterman's 'Stupid Pet Tricks'" -- nor do I care for an explanation!

Seventh, I am a Certified AOTA, which I assume is one reason I was asked to do the introduction. AOTA means "Announcer of Talent Acts. Actually, that was a problem because Grandson 2 and Z didn't have any talent!

Eight, actually, they do have talent. In fact, I admitted that Grandson 2 had talent as a cross dresser. (Although I wish I had mentioned that when he did the somersault in his tea length black dress he should have been wearing pantie hose.)

Thank you for letting me set the record straight.

Merry Christ,

Reverend, Dr., Dad, Master Christmas Yoga Instruction, Certified, AOTA Grandpa

PS: SOMH means (are you ready for this?) Standing On My Head!