It's hard sometimes...

I have a "boundary pusher". You know, the kid who is told "no"...but still crosses the line just to see how far he can go? Actually, I gave birth to more than ONE boundary pusher. Still the creme-de-la-creme is my youngest son. I know that there are many factors that lead to this behavior. Perhaps it's because I was a bit of a boundary pusher myself as a child. Perhaps it's because his father was. And perhaps it's also because he's been successful at it more than a few times in his short life. I know that I am not good at always drawing the black and white line. What can I say? I see the gray!

It doesn't matter HOW he developed the skill. What matters most is that we recognize it and handle it properly. There's nothing I can do about his DNA. I can, however, work on my response to the moments when he's pushing.

Today, was a bit of a test for me. He asked if he could come to my office for lunch. I have work to do. A lot of it. He thinks when he comes in here and quietly watches TV that I can still get my work done. For the most part, he's right. But it's still a distraction. I told him "No, not today."

He started with the "Pllleeeaassseee!" which has about 10 syllables when he's trying to move the boundary. I explained that he asked the question, I gave the answer and that was final.

Then, I did the thing I learned in Psych. 101: "ignore the behavior and it'll go away". I turned my back to continue opening car doors at parent pick-up. Almost as if it's a mantra, I was repeating the Psych. words over and over in my head while the pleading and begging was happening behind me. It was quiet begging, but it was still begging. I said nothing except "good morning" to the kids who were arriving at school. Finally, I felt this hand on my shoulder and a bit of a hug followed up by these words, "Well, have a good day Mom!" And he walked away. He walked away!

He didn't see my eyes well up with tears. He doesn't know that I wanted to grab him and say, "OK come for lunch." He also doesn't know that the Trace Adkins song plays over and over in my head when I skip these "opportunities"--"You're gonna' miss this...".

Mostly, though, he doesn't understand yet, that the very WORST thing I could do is not stick by my "no". He'll figure it out someday. I realize it may be when I am a Grandmother watching him raise his own children. Still I know he'll get it.

Do you know WHY I am so sure?
Because i'm sure my own parents are watching me navigate the parenting waters and whispering a great sigh of relief that I finally understand!