Today He is 10

Ten years. In some ways it feels so right and in others, it feels as if it cannot possibly be, but my "baby" is 10 today.

He was the fourth. He was a total surprise. A jolt out of our day-to-day routine that shook me to my core.

Ten years and 9 months ago, my youngest was heading off to school and we looked forward to being out of the whole preK/baby mode. We needed no stroller to walk Disney. We were done with potty training and other "baby stuff". I got rid of everything that remotely said "BABY". There was no crib. No clothes. No toys. Nothing. DH and I had decided that we were done with that phase of our lives. And I was glad.

But God had other plans.

Suddenly, on a day in May, I wasn't feeling great. It felt remotely familiar, but I put "that thought" right out of my head. Still, I knew I was off kilter a bit. I went to the doctor and he told me I was pregnant. "Pregnant?" I thought. "No way!" That day, I remember laying on our couch in total silence. It wasn't my plan. I was done. HOW could this happen? (No smart answers, I know HOW...but I really wanted to know WHY?) DH kept telling me, "It'll be fine! It's a good thing." I didn't believe him.

My pregnancy plodded along. I was uncomfortable and could barely walk when I left work in early December. I remember that Christmas being oh-so-special as I felt like I could understand young Mary better than ever before. And I could not imagine plodding anywhere by Donkey! In that final pregnancy journey I think I experienced every single emotion that Jesus' young Mother must have felt. Shock. Fear. Anguish. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Still, in many ways, I was going through the motions. Always in the back of my mind were the words, "This wasn't MY plan."

Three weeks or so before I had DS 4, the ladies at church threw me a surprise baby shower. It was such a blessing. I also had a shower from my friends at school. Still, I brought the things home and put them in a closet. We did get a crib...although I cannot remember where it came from! Still, the room was pretty much undone two weeks before I delivered.

My friend, Mellissa called me and said, "Have you used your gift cards yet?" I said, "No." She said, "Have you picked up sheets and the basics yet?" I replied, "No." She said, "Susan, you ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY! You HAVE to get ready." She was right. I went to the store the next day and picked out a few things that I knew I would need for a brand new baby.

Those last two weeks were brutal. I could barely walk. I was lonely. I was scared. I couldn't sleep. He kept me up from 11:30 - 3:30AM almost every single night doing acrobatics in the comfort of my womb. I would sit in our recliner and cry. I prayed for him. And for me. I asked God to help me be the Mother he needed me to be. I admitted that I simply didn't know if I could do it again. I was scared to have another delivery. My last two were no picnic at more than 9 lbs each.

Sunday morning, January 17th, I knew we had to go to the hospital. We left before 6:00am. By mid-morning the doctors were very concerned because his oxygen levels were dropping and he appeared in distress. They broke the news to me. C-section. More fear. More panic. More anger. By noon, our fourth son....a gift from God...was born.

The cord was wrapped around his neck AND in a knot. The doctors said he would not have survived a trip through the birth canal as that knot was cutting off the oxygen. I cried. I knew we had a miracle on our hands. And at that moment I felt as if God finally whispered in my ear: "This one is born for a very special purpose. For my work. He's going to do great things."

And the bond was made.

I always knew that I would have boys no matter how many I had. God had shown me that when I had DS 2. I feel so strongly that DH and I were "supposed to" help raise up Godly men that would one day make great husbands and fathers. And I have been so greatful for that call.

After I gave birth to DS 4, I started savoring moments more. I knew this was my "last". There would be no more. Each of my children have taught me so many lessons--and in a way I learned from HIM to take the time to enjoy the others even more. In this past ten years I have learned more about love and life and compassion and joy. He lives life to its fullest. HE enjoys moments and makes memories. He is tender and kind. He loves his brothers and family beyond belief.

And, today, as I reflect on the joy he has brought to our family, and the way in which he arrived, Isaiah 55:8-9 comes to my mind:

My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the
Lord.'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than
your ways,And My thoughts than your thoughts.

And, to that I say, "Thank you, God!"

Happy Happy Birthday, Son! I love you!