Just Keeping It Real...

My blogging friend, Lauren, over at Baseballs & Bows recently reported on her family's trip to Disney. I loved it because at the end of each wonderful recollection post, she'd include the "keeping it real" section where she reported if and when there was conflict or some other less than positive event on that day. Not long after I hit publish on my last post, birthday boy and a portion of his day, went sour. I wasn't going to share it, but I think it's important to know. So, Lauren, and all the rest of my sweet blogging friends, here's my attempt at Keeping it Real:

Before you think I'm a horrible Mother that ruins birthdays (like DS 4 told me), I want to show you visual evidence that there WAS fun that surrounded this celebration:


The photo above shows what happened at my house on Friday night. DS 4 had several friends over. They roasted marshmallows, ate pizza, skateboarded, opened gifts, and played Wii Rock Band. DS 3 and DH even MADE him his birthday cake (not the norm in our house).

On Saturday, his actual birthday, I took him to mini-Golf. We had a great time and he even got two holes-in-one! And only moments after the golf game was done, and these happy photos were taken, it all went down...though not as smooth as the airline that just landed on the Hudson.

I suppose I should have turned around after DS 4 took this shot of me, cause it was very telling. I am standing in front of the "sheriff's office" at the golf course. Little did I know, the sheriff in me was going to have to come in and take over.
It was after we finished our golf game, that DS 4 said, "I just want to hit a bucket of balls." I told him that we could not do that now and the 3-year-old that lives in all of us came out in him big time! He started whining and begging (which drives me CRAZY). I repeatedly told him no and explained that we just spent money on something fun and it was time for lunch.



After we got in the car, I thought it was over. But, like my car, it was just REVVING up! I told him he had a choice for his birthday lunch: restaurant A or B. He hemmed and hawed around and "couldn't choose". I warned him, "Place A is coming up on the left, you have until just after this stoplight to make your decision. Otherwise we are going to head off to the other place." He kept stalling and I passed place A. He cried. He said, "I don't get why you can't make a U-turn!" I said, "I gave you a choice. And by not making one, you made it."



I pulled into place B. We are now going on about 30 minutes of fits! On the way there, he said, "Mom, you're ruining my birthday!" Thoughts of him sitting on some therapist's couch when he's 40 ran through my head. But they were quickly replaced by thoughts of a young man who can't make a decision and thinks he can talk his way out of most situations. And I decided that I had to stand firm.


As I pulled into place B, I knew I was hungry and I DEFINITELY "needed" a Diet Coke! He said, "I am NOT eating here." I said "OK, I am. You can wait for me." He got in line just behind me as I placed my order. I handed him money and explained that he could order if he chose to eat. I also explained that when I finished, if he did not have food, we were leaving and he would eat at home.


The questions...and the child tug-o-war....started immediately after I sat down. He continued to be non-decisive and whiny. I ignored him except for the occasional reminder that the clock was ticking and the window of opportunity was shutting.


Sure enough, it ended. When I finished my food, he announced, "I know what I want now." I took the money from his hand and said, "I'm sorry, you chose not to eat here. You'll be eating at home." As he followed me to the car, mortified by the line in the sand, the tears and words began to flow. I explained to him that he was "only making it worse". I reminded him that he needed to stop and then my timer began. I told him for every disrespectful word out of his mouth, he was earning an amount of time in his room. Let's just say, by the time we got home, it was 2 hours and 15 minutes. I sent him directly there with no food.


And when he was quietly tucked away in his room to think about his attitude and actions, I tucked myself quietly away with my diet coke to settle down. I KNOW the boundaries are important. I KNOW that we ALL push them when we can. I KNOW that he needed the parent that would set the boundary and abide by it no matter what day of the year it was. It still made my Mother's words come back to me, "This hurts me more than it hurts you!" (I don't know if that's quite the truth...but I understand it.)


Later, DS 4 came out of his room, had some lunch and said, "I'm sorry about my attitude, Mom. I'll try and do better next time."


And that's when I knew it was all worth it. And someday, he will too!