Book Review: Why I Jumped

Several months ago, I was in the Christian bookstore and found several books in the bargain bin. This book, by Tina Zahn, caught my eye.

The book, Why I Jumped: My True Story of Postpartum Depression, Dramatic Rescue & Return to Hope, is the story of Tina's experience with Post Partum Depression and her attempted suicide. Tina jumped off a bridge in Green Bay, WI and was rescued by a police officer. You can see the video at her website.

Zahn grew up in a family that had the outward appearance of having it all together. But she tells a horrible tale of sexual abuse at the hands of her Stepfather beginning at age 5 that sent her into a spiral of self-doubt and, in her words, "self flogging". She had to carry this horrible secret for years. And, when it was revealed, the people in her life didn't really take any action to help her deal with it emotionally. Zahn wrestled with poor relationships and two abortions as a very young woman.

Her story, though, is so much more than the muck and mire that she found herself facing in her life. Zahn married a man, Daniel, who loved her despite the chains that bound her. She became heavily involved with her church and joined several women's Bible Studies in addition to MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).

The thing that struck me is that despite having this network of support, Zahn still fought the battle with severe depression. She had quite a group of ladies---who she credits with praying specifically for her needs. It was in the MIDST of her Christian walk that she jumped off the bridge. She talks about the realities that so many victims of depression experience. I love these words she writes:

For too many years I tried to fix myself. When I had a problem, I took care of it. With anything and everything, I tried to do life on my own. Then came a day when all my efforts left me exhausted, broken, despondent, and empty. I looked out the window that day and asked God, "What next?"

When we reach the end of ourselves, God is there. Healing doesn't come in a day or an hour or a session. It doesn't come with one pill or one bottle of pills, with one doctor or one treatment. And it doesn't always come easily for those of us with decades of pain buried deep beneath the surface. But healing can come. You can't give up.

And THAT is the message that Zahn shares so well in her story: You CAN'T give up! When you think there is no one out there who loves you...you're wrong. Because no matter what your circumstances tell you...God is bigger than your circumstances. And HE LOVES YOU!

I have struggled with "the blues"...but never really experienced full blown depression. I believe I read this book to consider the "other players" in Zahn's world. Reading this book reminded me that no matter how "together" someone may seem, they may be hurting deeply inside. And while it may not be as deep or dramatic as what Tina experienced, they important thing is that we ALL have opportunities to be part of a support network for those in our lives. I believe we just have to look around us.

I'd like to pass this book along to a reader. If you think you'd like to read Tina Zahn's story, please leave me a comment and I'll draw a winner on Friday.