Forever Friends

We met 27 years ago this coming Fall. It was our freshman year of college. I don't know exactly HOW it happened, but I'm so glad it did!

The year was 1982. Three of us lived in the same dorm. We had a very large group of friends who enjoyed hanging out, walking around the lake that bordered our college, laughing, eating pizza, talking till all hours of the night and learning together. We went to church together. We participated in campus activities together. It wasn't long until the four of us decided that we would room somewhat together the following year: Beth with Leigh and Lala with me.

Beth and Leigh lived downstairs. Lala and I lived upstairs. Still, we were often found in each other's rooms. Since we were all Elementary Education majors, we even shared many classes. As the years went by, we continued to laugh and cry and grow together.

I cannot describe how precious these friendships were (and are) to me. I can tell you, though, that I know it was a very special time. The four of us shared everything with one another. I can honestly say that DH and I are probably together today because two of these girls asked HIM to take me to my sorority formal. There is no question that they set it in motion.

A short year after we graduated, three of us were married. Two years later, the fourth was married. All of us were in each other's weddings. I'm sure there were times we vowed to "stick together" even as our lives changed and we began our families. And in some ways we have. Over the years, one or two of us would get together and catch up.

Still, sometimes life and time get in the way of nurturing relationships. It happens and it's sad. The last time the four of us were together at the same time was about 18 years ago. Until now.

This weekend, we came together and spent time reconnecting. It took no time at all. In fact, it seemed that not one second had passed since the last time we were together. We laughed. We remembered.

What we have is a real bond. It is a precious "forever friendship" that withstands the test of time and distance. I could not be more blessed. It is so true that a true friend is a treasure...and these are true forever friends!

One thing we know for sure after our time away is that it won't be another 18 years before we are together again!

Book Review: Pledged

This book was a little outside my norm. It caught my eye several months ago while browsing the "Best Sellers" aisle at the bookstore. Since I was a part of the "Greek Life" at my small college, I was curious. And I was not disappointed.


Here is a portion of the review from The New Republic:

"Robbins grapples with a terrific amount of research on Greek life, and the book that results is fascinating and, in the end, highly alarming. Pledged is amazing in the same way that reality TV is amazing: It's the car crash you can't take your eyes off of, it's the Jerry Springer episode where you have to find out if that midget chick is really a dude..."

Sacha Zimmerman, The New Republic


This sums it up pretty well. Robbins, a non-Greek 1998 Yale graduate, spent an entire year "inside" several sororities and specifically followed four young ladies who agreed to let her do so. She went undercover to really explore what was happening in the houses and among the young ladies after being told that Greeks "would not talk to the press." She is careful not to reveal their identities and handles their stories quite professionally.


I was Greek in the 80's. I know that many people would say "once Greek, always Greek". And I suppose that's true in some ways. Admittedly, many of the things she reports were totally foreign to me: date rape, hook-ups, hazing, and such. But I could totally identify with other things such as pledging, rituals, life with a bunch of 'sisters', etc....and I was also aware that horrible things often happened "in other houses" and with other groups; specifically hazing activities. Although at that time truly I thought that was more in the guys' fraternities than in the girls' sororities. And it included the horrible, degrading, physically dangerous, and mental fatigue that were part of the initiation process.

Today, hazing is also defined as "activities and situations include, but are not limited to...creation of excessive fatigue...treasure hunts, scavenger hunts, road trips...engaging in public stunts...and activities that call undue attention to a difference in status between initiated and non-initiated members." And, if you take it to the letter of the law, hazing is also having pledges wearing "pledge pins" and setting them apart from the initiated sisters.

I remember sisters who pledged my sorority as a "second choice" or "third choice" because the most popular one didn't want them. I remember one of my own pledge class sisters who was a legacy (by her Mother) to a HUGE sorority on campus and couldn't understand why as a legacy she wasn't receiving a bid. She was crushed. Her MOTHER was crushed. I remember (unfortunately) judging those girls who came through during Rush Week and deciding if we should invite them to join us or not. And I remember when the new pledges would make the run down the hill with bid cards in hand to join their new found "family".

For the most part, my collegiate experience was a positive one. But after reading Robbins' book, I realized that there were things that I never really considered about sorority life. Most important to me is why most of the 26 sororities represented by the National Panhellenic Council are "traditionally white". There are still schools in the south that will not "pledge a non-white" student. And, as Robbins notes, in some chapters there are a couple of non-white students who are sometimes seen as "tokens". This absolutely breaks my heart!

I also didn't realize how critical a role sorority life plays in some states. Most notably, Robbins reports that in Texas there are mothers who will send their daughters out of state to pledge at an "easier school" so they can return and join a "competitive sorority" house at a state university. Or, as was reported by one girl who didn't get a bid from the "family sorority", on bid day the Mother's reaction was, "NOW, how's she going to find a husband!"

Additionally, there are places where alcohol, drugs, sex, and eating disorders are rampant and absolutely the "norm" in the sorority house. I will not say that these things did not exist in my experience, but they were NOT the norm. I know some chapters on my campus had reputations. I know that this stuff existed in our house, but there was never a time when I felt like it defined who we were. And I never felt like I had to make the same choices that a few girls in my sorority did.

As I said, this is not my "normal read" or review. There are realities that some readers may find offensive. And I admit there were a couple of places where I would have rather just put my head in the sand and said, "No way, that can't be real!" But, I pushed through it because I wanted to see her picture. And I think that's exactly what Robbins gives the reader. It's a snapshot of potential experiences. It's a glimpse into the Greek world that tries so hard to remain secretive.

I also love the fact that she is not out to bash the entire Greek system. In fact, in the end, Robbins gives some suggestions for moving the entire Panhellenic system forward in a positive manner. Her suggestions are certainly ones that should be considered.

I recommend this book for a few reasons and really for a couple of specific audiences. If you are, or ever were, Greek, you may enjoy reading it as I did. If you know a girl who is thinking about rushing and joining, you may want to read it. If you are a Mom with a daughter, it's definitely written from an angle that you should know about.