"The System"

Ever since the early 90's when DH and I were foster parents the first time, I have been highly aware of "the system". There are procedures in place that are designed to protect children AND families who find themselves entangled within it. Yet, as it is with all systems, there are still flaws.

During the first few years of foster care, DH and I cared for Mallory, a toddler who had been severly malnourished, had never had anything solid, and had little motor control. Under our "watch", she began to eat solid foods--although she still choked at times--and she learned to walk.

In the Fall of 1992, the department had determined that they were ready to sever the parental rights of Mallory's parents. We were set to become the adoptive family for this precious little girl. In early November, just weeks before the paperwork was to be completed, a grandparent showed up out of what felt like nowhere!

In a matter of days, she completed a home study in North Carolina (her state of residence) and showed up in Florida to claim "her little girl"! To say we were reeling would be a significant understatement. We knew, though, that it is almost always the goal of the "system" to keep children within their blood families when it's possible to do so. Still, Mallory had never met this person and had no formal connections with her. There was limited background information and no social history completed.

We didn't feel right about it. I wasn't there when Grandma showed up to take our precious little girl away. DH had to meet her at a local Motel 6 to hand her over. It was there, in the place where they "leave the lights on for you" that the light seemed to go out for this child.

DH will tell you that he still remembers the look in our little girl's eyes as she was suddenly in the arms of a total stranger! Although it may be judgmental on my part, I still don't think Mallory was put in the best possible scenerio for her. In fact, we have no way of knowing what her life became. We only pray that she is a happy young lady today and that somehow she rose above what appeared to be her lot in life.

Today, the procedures seem a little bit "tighter", but we have still seen families lose children to out of state relatives in a blink of an eye with what I deem as low standards. We are realists. We have been there and know that this is still very much a possibility for any child who is a ward of the state.

So here we are, almost 20 years later involved in the same system. People have told me they don't know "how we can do it". They wonder "how you ever let them go". The truth is, it doesn't get any easier...but we have to trust that while a child is in care that we are making a difference in their life. We offer stability and nurture where there has been little or none. We offer love where love is often distorted or non-existent. Even if it's only for a moment in time.

As I watch LG sleep at night and I listen to her laugh and play as a little girl should during the day, I am certain that I don't know exactly what her future holds. Should the day come that she needs a forever family, I pray that we are able to fill that role. In the meantime, we take each day as it comes. We offer life, love, and laughter and stability in the moment.

And we pray that the system that is designed to protect this child works and is flawless this time!