All Lives Matter

Her name was Yvonne.  She was in my second grade class in Southwest Florida in 1971.  I loved being her friend and was fascinated by her dark skin.  She also could take my thin blonde hair and braid it into the smallest silkiest braids ever!  She rode a bus to school.  At my age, I had no idea what that meant.  Today, though, I know that those bused into a school in the late 60's and early 70's were generally there for one thing: desegregation.  None of that mattered to me.  I liked hanging out with Yvonne and being her friend.

I wasn't raised to see differences in people.  My parents taught us to be kind to all--no matter what they looked like or believed.  But not everyone in south Florida taught their children the same way.

I distinctly remember asking my Mom if I could bring her home with me one day after school.  And while I don't remember the specific conversation that took place, I know the answer was "no".  But there seemed to be no reason for the "no."  I know I begged.  I know I cried.  I was heartbroken!

It wasn't until years later that Mom explained to me that it wasn't that she didn't want my friend to come over.  But it was a time in the south when we were forced to "worry about what the neighbors would think."  It wasn't because Mom didn't want to have Yvonne come visit and wouldn't have been hospitable as I traipsed another friend through our home.  No.  It was because she was worried about her safety and ours.  And maybe it wasn't even safety.  Maybe it was simply the chance that our family might have been outcast by a few bigots in the town where we lived.

Many years after that, as a fairly new mother with two babies to care for and not far from the town where I grew up...I experienced more of the potential for "shunning" by one group for your beliefs/values.  DH was a young pastor in our first full time church appointment.  It was in the country in 1990---almost 20 years after my first brush with racism.  Things had changed in our world.  People were far more tolerant.  Or so I thought.

We hadn't been at the church for more than 6 weeks when a couple of DH's friends from a neighboring city came to hear him preach.  It was a nice gesture.  Except they didn't "look" like the country folks we were serving.  No.  They were considered a multi-racial couple.  Neither DH nor I thought anything of it.  We were happy to have them make the trip to come hear him. It was, after all, a trek to get out there for them.

Later that Sunday evening, there was a meeting at the church.  It was right next door to our parsonage and it lasted late into the evening.  I remember thinking DH should have been home HOURS prior to when he finally walked through the door and announced, "the honeymoon is over."  You see, there were people in that congregation who believed that DH should have shut the door and not allowed "those people" through the door on that Sunday.  They absolutely had no tolerance for "people of color" and especially for "mixed marriages".  They wanted him to see things their way.  He would not.

I learned then that this sort of hate still exists and it broke my heart.  For months we endured hate-filled actions and conversations from people in that church as my DH and I stood our ground that God loves us ALL regardless of skin color!  It absolutely is one of the events in our lives that broke my heart the most, but also made me a proud wife as I watched and listened as my husband stood his ground calmly and politely through it all. Finally, six months later we were able to go to a new church since there wasn't the possibility for healing in the other one.  It was a true relief when there were people of all skin colors and socio-economic status in our new church!

These are two memories on my mind today as I watch the headlines.  We are in a time where there is a "Black Lives Matter" movement.  And I agree.  They do.  Last night, though, someone decided to retaliate against police officers to show their anger and frustration and now five police officers have died.  The truth is, they matter too!   And this is only weeks after 49 people were gunned down in an Orlando nightclub because of their sexual preference.

It's time to stop the violence.  It helps nothing and no one.  My Facebook post today sums up my own belief that was set in me from a very young age by my family who believed it:

 "All lives matter.  Period.  It's time for kindness and LOTS of it!"

Thank You Grandma!

My Grandma has been gone just over two years. For years before she died, she'd tell us that she was working on her "family history". I know she stopped and started several times. After she passed, my Dad took the files from her computer and compiled them into a treasure for our family. It's unfinished, but it gives us a glimpse into what life was like in the late 20's through mid 50's for her and our family. I finally dug in and read it cover to cover and all I can think is "Thank You, Grandma!" She wrote "backwards" meaning it was reflecting upon the past and recording it after the fact.

I started thinking how special it is to write in the moment and realized that this is what happens when you blog or keep a journal.

Like her, I have stopped and started this blog as well over the years. I tried to start one just for my kids that shares my heart that only they can read.  But I realized just what a treasure I think this one will be one day for them as well.  Soooo...here I go.  I'm diving back in and going to try to make sure I am sharing my life and the lessons it shows me regularly.

I had to do a refresh and redecorate the place and I'm happy with where it is now.  I need to update some posts and information, and will do so over time.  In the meantime, I believe my Grandma gave me a nudge gently through her words tonight.

Missing Grace

"MOM! You missed Grace!" my 14 year old said to me.  I was in the middle of a bit of a tirade with him telling him exactly what I think about attitude and actions and all other things teen related as I looked and saw the church driveway slip past me.  Grace is one of our local churches where he and his friends go play football on the weekends.  And, he was right, I missed it.

I stopped my tirade, turned the car around and pulled into the parking lot and watched him exit the car (a bit glad that we'd have some time apart).  As I pulled out of the parking lot, his words kept ringing in my ears, "Mom, you missed Grace."  And while I know he was talking about the building, the thought of missing grace with my kids, with my friends, and with myself was suddenly bombarding me!

Last night I went to run.  My goal?  Six miles.  Reality, I hit four and felt like I'd run a half marathon!  It was hard, I was frustrated.  But again, I was reminded that GRACE is there and sometimes I need to allow it to permeate my soul.

How often do I miss it?  For the record...often!

Yet I don't want it to be that way.  Just like my car missing that driveway due to my inability to focus, I know I need to be more aware of my surroundings.  I know that I need to listen carefully for the moments of grace that I can extend to others and that I can claim myself.

Today, the words again were resonating within me when my brother texted me to tell me that a family we knew growing up lost their daughter in a car crash last night.  I babysat this girl and her brothers when she was little. She was forty-one.  We were friends on Facebook.  And now she's gone.  Life is short.  I can't imagine what her Mom and Dad are feeling today.

When life hurts.  When it's hard.  When it's heavy.  When it's happy.  We must not miss Grace.

It's what I'm learning this week!

What I've Learned from Running Half Marathons

I finished this race today.  I didn't finish as fast as I wanted to, but I did beat my February time by 16 minutes. My first 3 miles was my best pace ever (37 minutes---see note about starting too fast below), at 6 miles I was still at a good pace 1:17.  I even did well through mile eight.  At this point, we ran out to the pier where the wind was BRUTAL.  By mile 9 my feet were KILLING me and I had to go to the bathroom.  Just after mile 10, we ran through Tropicana field (where the Tampa Bay Rays play--around the perimeter of the field).  I was thankful for the SOFT astroturf and was able to RUN it out in there.  Mile 11 was just OK.  The last 3/4 of a mile, I was able to RUN. IT. IN.  This is huge for me as it meant I did have something to give.  Now to just pace it out a little better this February.  Below are the things I've learned from running half marathons(so far).

Well, I don't know if I really have all that much wisdom since I've only officially run two now.  But I have DEFINITELY learned (and keep learning) every time my feet hit the pavement.  Here, in no particular order, are some of the lessons I now have under my belt:

1.  You have to "run your own race".  My son (the Coach) has said this to me again and again.  It's HARD, though.  I WANT to be as fast as some of my friends.  I HATE seeing people pass me that I think I should be able to beat.  I have to remember: that's THEIR race and not mine.  (Still, I often set my sights on a runner or two or three that I want to beat in the end...and I can't lie, I find that motivating---just keeping it real).

2.  Today, while having a particularly hard time with my foot, I saw a sign that said, "Remember your 'why'." That's important for me.  I have to remember WHY I run.  I run because it's something that I never thought possible for me.  I run because it makes me FEEL good (most of the time).  I run because it's a way to clear my head.  I run for those who can't run...YET!  I run because it's helped me have a healthier body.  (For the record, while that foot was throbbing its way through mile 11, I saw a sign that said, "Your feet hurt because you're kicking butt!"  (I liked it.)

3.  If you're a SLOW runner (like me), it's not fair to yourself to minimize your runs.  Ever. I would not post my 13.1 sticker on my car after I finished Disney Princess in February 2012.  My time was much slower than I wanted.  I stopped and took pics along the way.  I convinced myself I wasn't worthy of putting that sticker on the car because I "wasn't a 'real' runner".  But, again, the Coach comes through and says, "The first time you run, you're a runner."  My 13.1 sticker will be on the car this week.

4.  Keeping track of your progress is motivating and a reminder of the growth you've had.  I'm thinking this is such a lesson for anything we're learning.  It's good to look back and see where you've been.  I am serious when I say I could not run SIX FEET when I started. Any record keeping helps with perspective.  It's good to know the steps you have to take to move forward too.  Data can be a very good thing.

5.  When you've gotta' "go" you've gotta' "go".  I learned, the hard way, that your body functions differently when you run.  Soooo...although I'd like to avoid the porta-potty at the races, I know that taking the time to take care of your body's needs is what really helps you move forward. And when you're in the middle ages, you have to listen to it...waiting is...well...not pretty.

6.  Running with people is a good thing.  I don't mean actually side-by-side running, because I really prefer to run with myself/alone.  It's one of the only times my world is totally silent.  And I love it!  I have these ladies that I've come to call friends who keep me motivated more than they may know.  Many are already serious runners.  They all have hearts the size of Kansas and can encourage ANYONE to keep moving.  I love having "running friends" who understand the maladies that often accompany this sport (from shoe issues, to toenail issues, to bathrooming). I love the encouragement and love they give.  (As an added bonus today, I got to meet my blogging friend, Linda from 2nd cup of coffee!  She came down from Indiana to run this race and it was definitely one of the highlights for me.)

7.  Starting too fast can be KILLER!  I tend to do this.  I know there's a scientific reason for it.  But isn't it true with everything?  If you come out of the starting block too fast, you lose momentum and have trouble really sticking with it till the end.  I'm trying to learn pacing in MANY areas of my life...running reminds me it's worth learning.

8.  Pushing your way through something hard is VERY REWARDING!  Sure I love the medal.  I love the celebration at the end.  I love cheering for others coming across the finish line.  But realizing that you can stick with something and get through it just feels good.

There you have it, the top 8 things I've learned in the last 18 months.  I'm sure there are more lessons, but right now I need to go put up my throbbing foot!  

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow I'm running my second half marathon.  Well, I still have trouble saying "I'm a runner." I will be run/walking for sure.  Here's what I know, though.  I COULD NOT have done this 18 months ago when I started the Couch to 5K plan.  I COULD NOT have really done it last November either...although I was well into my training for Disney Princess by then.

Training for these things is a LEARNING and GROWING process in so many ways.  Not only is there the physical growth and strength that is required.  There's also an incredible mental/emotional experience that comes into play.  I play more head games with myself.  It's amazing.  Some days I feel like I could conquer the world and others I feel as though it's conquering me!  Still, I'm growing.  I am running farther and faster than I ever have before.  And I plan to continue to press on!

Costume Update

And the winner is...as I stated earlier

Cleopatra!  I'm telling you each year I stress more and more about what to do for a costume.  And although I was able to collect all the pieces, I had a minor wig crisis when I pulled it all together last night.  The bangs actually hit somewhere on my nose...so I had to give Cleo a haircut.

One of the highlights for me was driving TO the party when I drove up next to a couple from our last church that I haven't seen in over a year.  Rolled my window down and assured them it was ME.  We had a great laugh and I was reminded not to be in "De-NILE"!  I need to make a mental note to call them this week.  I honestly almost cried as they drove away thinking of how much I miss seeing these two people.

Anyway, the party was a lot of fun.  We danced.  We laughed.  We had good food and drinks.

Now I need to start thinking of what to wear NEXT year!

And also in the costume department...check out my DS 3 at the Florida State football game yesterday.  He's the guy in the garnet body suit in the front.  He is an uber fan when it comes to football and his school.  I love that about him.  In fact, I think he dreams of being one of the "glitter guys" someday...this is just a step on the path to reaching that goal, I'm sure.

What's a "glitter guy"?  You might ask.  Well...let me show you because he's friends with them already and has his pic with them at one of the recent games.  What do you think?

A reminder...

Got this photo from my DS 2 yesterday:



So thankful he's OK.  When DH showed me, he said, "We could have lost him."  This is his driver's side window that was hit by the bumper of a car in front of him.  He said the bumper flew off and into the air about 30 feet then came straight down on his windshield.  So thankful all we had to do is replace a windshield!

Life is short, isn't it??